Dealing with Jealousy
Alexander Berzin
March 2004

Disturbing Emotions
We all experience disturbing emotions (nyon-mongs, Skt. klesha, afflictive emotions) - states of mind that when we develop them cause us to lose our mental peace and incapacitate us so that we lose self-control. Common examples are greed, attachment, hostility, anger, and jealousy. They trigger various mental urges (karma) to arise, usually ones that lead to destructive behavior. The urges may be to act destructively toward others or to act in some self-destructive way. The result is that we create problems and suffering for others and, inevitably, for ourselves.
There is a vast range of disturbing emotions. Each culture mentally draws some arbitrary line around a set of common emotional experiences that most people in its society experience, decides on some defining characteristics that describe it as a category, and then give the category a name. Of course, each culture chooses different sets of common emotional experiences, different defining characteristics to describe them, and, in this way, makes up different categories of disturbing emotions.
Categories of disturbing emotions specified by different cultures usually do not exactly overlap, because the definitions of the emotions are slightly different. For example, Sanskrit and Tibetan each have one word for "jealousy" (phrag-dog, Skt. irshya), while most Western languages have two. English has "jealousy" and "envy," while German has "Eifersucht" and "Neid." The distinction between the two English terms is not precisely the same as that drawn between the two German words, and the Sanskrit and Tibetan do not correspond exactly to any of the terms in either language. If, as Westerners, we experience emotional problems in this general category, designated by the categories formulated by our own cultures and languages, and we wish to learn Buddhist methods for overcoming them, we may need to analyze and deconstruct our emotions, as we conceptualize them, into a combination of several disturbing emotions as defined in Buddhism.
"Jealousy" as Defined by Buddhism and "Envy" as Defined in English
The Buddhist abhidharma texts classify "jealousy" (phrag-dog) as a part of hostility. They define it as "a disturbing emotion that focuses on other peoples' accomplishments - such as their good qualities, possessions, or success - and is the inability to bear their accomplishments, due to excessive attachment to our own gain or to the respect we receive."
Attachment, here, means that we are focused on some area of life in which others have accomplished more than we have, and we exaggerate its positive aspects. In our minds, we make this area one of the most important aspects of life and base our sense of self-worth on it. Implicit is an inordinate preoccupation with and attachment to "me." Thus, we are jealous because we are "attached to our own gain or to the respect we receive" in terms of this area. For example, we may fixate on the amount of money we have or on how good-looking we are. As an aspect of hostility, jealousy adds to this attachment a strong element of resentment at what others have achieved in this area. It is the opposite of rejoicing and feeling happy at what they have accomplished.
In English, one of the definitions of jealousy is "hostility toward someone believed to enjoy an advantage." It has only part of the Buddhist definition; it omits the factor of attachment to the area in which the other person has the advantage. The definition only implies that the advantage may be true or not, but does not question the actual importance of the area or the preoccupation with "me."
Furthermore, jealousy, as defined in Buddhism, covers part, but not all of the English word envy. Envy adds a little more. It adds what Buddhism calls "covetousness" (brnab-sems). Covetousness is "the inordinate desire for something that someone else possesses." Thus, the definition of "envy" in English, is "a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by someone else, joined with the desire to enjoy the same advantage." In other words, in addition to the inability to bear others' accomplishments in an area of life that, as Buddhism points out, we exaggerate the importance of, envy is the wish to have these accomplishments ourselves. We might be poor or lacking in this area, or we may already have an adequate or even above average measure of it. If we are envious and want even more, our covetousness has grown into greed. Often, although not necessarily, envy entails the further wish for others to be deprived of what they have achieved, so that we can have it instead. In this case, there is an ever further ingredient to the emotion, spite.
Envy, as a combination of jealousy and covetousness, leads to competitiveness. Thus, Trungpa Rinpoche discussed jealousy as the disturbing emotion that drives us to become highly competitive and to work fanatically to outdo others or ourselves. It is connected with forceful action - the so-called "karma family." Because of being jealous and envious of what others have accomplished, we push ourselves or we push others under us to do more and more, like with extreme competition in business or sports. Thus, Buddhism uses the horse to represent jealousy. It races against other horses because of jealousy. It cannot bear that another horse is running faster.
[See: Five Buddha-Family Traits in Daily Life: Gelug Anuttarayoga Tantra and Karma Kagyu Mahamudra Presentations.]
Jealousy and Competitiveness
It is true that, in Buddhism, jealousy is closely related to competitiveness, although the former does not necessarily lead to the latter. Someone could be jealous of others, and with low self-esteem, not even try to compete. Similarly, being competitive does not necessarily entail jealousy. Some people like to compete in sports simply for fun, to enjoy themselves and the company of others, without ever wishing to keep score.
Buddhism connects jealousy and competition differently. For example, in Engaging in Bodhisattva Behavior (sPyod-'jug, Skt. Bodhicharya-avatara), Shantideva puts together in one discussion jealousy toward those in higher position, competitiveness with equals, and arrogance toward those who are lower in status. His discussion is within the context of learning to view all beings as equal.
The problem Buddhism is addressing here is the feeling that "I" am special, which underlies all three disturbing emotions. For example, if we think and feel that "I" am the only one who can do a specific task well or correctly, like teaching our friend to drive a car, we become jealous if anyone else teaches him or her. That does not necessarily lead to competitiveness. If, on the other hand, we think and feel that "I" am the only one who deserves to do a specific thing, such as get ahead in life, and we are envious if someone else succeeds, we become competitive. We have to outdo the other person, even if we are already moderately successful. In both examples, underlying jealousy and envy is a strong feeling of "me" and a strong preoccupation with us alone. We do not consider others in the same way as we do ourselves. We consider ourselves special.
The remedy Buddhism offers to the problems and unhappiness caused by these types of jealousy, envy, competitiveness, and arrogance is to treat the underlying fallacy concerning "me" and "you." We need to realize and view everyone as equal. Everyone has the same basic abilities, in the sense that everyone has Buddha-nature. Everyone has the same wish to be happy and to succeed, and not to be unhappy or to fail. And everyone has the same right to be happy and to succeed and the same right not to be unhappy or to fail. There is nothing special about "me" in these regards. Buddhism also teaches love - the wish for everyone, equally, to be happy.
When we learn to view everyone as equal, in terms of Buddha-nature and love, then we are open to see how to relate to someone who has either succeeded more than we have or who has succeeded when we have not. We rejoice in his or her success, since we want everyone to be happy. We try to help our equals also succeed, rather than competing with them and trying to outdo them. Toward those who are less successful than we are, we try to help them do well, rather than gloat and arrogantly feel better than they are.
Cultural Reinforcement of Jealousy and Competitiveness
These suggested Buddhist methods are extremely advanced and particularly difficult to apply when our automatically arising jealousy and competitiveness are reinforced, strengthened and even rewarded by certain Western cultural values. After all, almost all children automatically like to win and cry when they lose. But, on top of that, many Western cultures teach capitalism as the naturally best form of a democratic society. Underlying it is the theory of the survival of the fittest, which sets competition as the basic driving force of life, rather than, for instance, love and affection. Further, Western cultures reinforce the importance of success and winning with an obsession with competitive sports, and their glorification of the best athletes and the richest people in the world.
In addition, the whole political system of democracy and voting entails competition - offering and then selling ourselves as candidates, by publicizing how much better we are than our rivals for office. As commonly practiced in the West, campaigning adds to this an intense effort to find out every possible weak point in the rival candidates, even in terms of their private lives, and inflating them out of proportion and widely publicizing them in order to discredit him or her. Many people even view such type of behavior, based on jealousy and competition, as praiseworthy and just.
Tibetan society, on the other hand, frowns on anyone who depreciates others and claims he or she is better than they are. These are considered negative character traits. In fact, the first root bodhisattva vow is never to praise ourselves and belittle others to people in positions lower than ourselves - which would include, here, advertising such words to the voting public. The motivation is specified as desire for profit, praise, love, respect, and so on from the persons addressed, and jealousy of the persons belittled. It makes no difference whether what we say is true or false. In contrast, when speaking about ourselves, extreme modesty and saying "I have no good qualities; I don't know anything" is considered praiseworthy. Thus, democracy and campaigning for votes are totally alien and do not work in Tibetan society if practiced in the usual Western form.
Even just to say that we want to run for office is taken as a suspicious sign of arrogance and of a nonaltruistic motive. The only possible compromise may be for representatives of the candidates - and never the nominees themselves - merely to speak to others about their candidates' good qualities and accomplishments, without comparing them to those of the rivals for the office or saying anything bad about them. This, however, is hardly ever done. Usually, candidates who are well known, such as from noble families or incarnate lamas, are nominated, without even asking them if they wish to run. If they say they do not wish to run for office, this is taken as a sign of modesty, since immediately to say "yes" indicates arrogance and greed for power. It is almost impossible for someone nominated to refuse. Voting is then done, without campaigning. People usually vote for the candidate who is most well known.
Thus, the Buddhist method of rejoicing in the victories of others - and the even stronger one of giving the victory to others and accepting defeat for ourselves - may not be the most suitable first remedy to try for Westerners who are strongly convinced of the virtues of capitalism and of the Western electoral system of campaigning. As Westerners, we might need first to reevaluate the validity of our cultural values and deal with the doctrinally based forms of jealousy and competition that arise from accepting those values, before addressing the automatically arising forms.
An example that may help us to see the relativity of Western culturally based jealousy and competitiveness is an Indian market. In India, there are cloth markets, jewelry markets, vegetable markets, and so on. Each has row after row of stalls and shops, right next to each other, all selling almost exactly the same goods. Most of the shopkeepers are friends with each other and often sit drinking tea together outside their shops. Their attitude is that it is up to their karma whether or not their shops do well.
Jealousy in the Western Sense
While the discussion of jealousy in Buddhism primarily addresses, although does not overlap with, the disturbing emotion of what English defines as "envy," English specifies another similar disturbing emotion that it calls "jealousy." For most Westerners, this type of jealousy gives them even more suffering than the types that Buddhism discusses.
Rather than focus on what another has person received that we have not, this form of jealousy focuses on someone who gives something to someone else, rather than to us. Thus, in English, the first definition of jealousy we find in the dictionary is "an intolerance of rivalry or of unfaithfulness." For example, we feel jealous if our partners flirt with other men or women or spend a lot of time with others. Even a dog feels this type of jealousy when a new baby arrives in the house. Thus, like jealousy in Buddhism, it has elements of resentment and hostility. But, in addition, it has strong elements of insecurity and mistrust.
If we are insecure, then when a friend or partner is with someone else, we are jealous. This is because we are unsure of our self-worth, insecure of the other person's love for "me," and thus we do not trust our friend. We fear that "I" will be abandoned.
To deal with this type of jealousy, we also need to learn the equality of everyone. But here, our problem is not doctrinally based on cultural values, so perhaps it is easier to go directly to trying the Buddhist insight. The heart has the capacity to love everyone - this is an aspect of Buddha-nature. Reaffirming this fact is a way to overcome jealousy. In other words, everyone's heart has that capacity, including our friend or lover. If they are so closed that they have no room in their hearts for me, we can develop compassion for them. They do not realize their Buddha-nature capacities and, consequently, are depriving themselves of some of the greatest joys in life.
We ourselves need to become open to everyone. With open hearts, we can have love for friend, partner, child, pet, parents, country, our people, Nature, God, hobby, job, etc. There is room in our hearts for love for all of them. Love is not exclusive. We are perfectly capable of dealing with and relating to all these objects of our love, expressing our feelings in manners appropriate to each object. We do not express our love and affection to our dogs in the same way as we express it to our wives or husbands, or to our parents. We do not have sexual relations with all of them.
The issues of monogamy and sexual unfaithfulness are extremely complex and bring in many further issues. They are not the topics here. In any case, if our sexual partners, especially our marital spouses and especially when we have young children together, are unfaithful or spend a great deal of time with others, jealousy, resentment, and possessiveness are never helpful emotional responses. We need to deal with the situation in a more sober manner. Yelling at our partners or trying to make them fell guilty can hardly ever succeed in making them love us.
Also, these disturbing emotional responses are, in part, culturally influenced. For example, a traditional Japanese or Indian wife does not expect her husband to spend his social time with her after work, rather than to follow the norms of his society and go out with his male friends. Thus, in most cases, she will be content to lead her social life with her women friends, separately from that of her husband.
Further, when we think that love and having a close friendship can be only with one person exclusively, and if he or she has a friendship with someone else, there is no room for "me," this is jealousy. It is based on the feeling of a solid "me" who must be special, and a solid "you" who is so special that we want only this person's love. Even if there are many others who love us and whom we love, we tend to ignore that fact and think, "That doesn't count."
Continually opening our hearts to as many others as possible and acknowledging the love that others - friends, relatives, pets, and so on - have for us now, have had in the past, and will have in the future helps us to feel more emotionally secure. This, in turn, helps us to overcome any fixation we may have on anyone being a special object of love, not even ourselves.
Omniscience and all-loving both imply having everyone in our minds and hearts. Nevertheless, when a Buddha is focused on or with one person, he or she is 100% concentrated on that person. Therefore, having love for everyone does not mean that love for each individual is diluted. Therefore, we need not fear that if we open our hearts to many people, our personal relations will be less intense or fulfilling. We may be less clinging and less dependent on any one relation to be all-satisfying, and we may spend less time with each individual, but each is a full involvement. The same is true in terms of others' love for us when we are jealous that it will be diluted because they also love someone else.
Also, it is an unrealistic expectation that any one person will be our special perfect match, like our "other half," who will complement us in all ways and with whom we can share every aspect of our lives. Such an expectation is based on the ancient Greek myth told by Plato that originally we were all wholes, who then were split in two. Somewhere "out there" is our other half; and true love is when we find and reunite with our other halves. Although this myth has become the foundation for Western romanticism, it does not refer to reality. To believe in it, like believing in the beautiful prince who will come to rescue us on a white horse, is an acquired, culturally specific phenomenon.
The Deceptive Appearances Underlying Jealousy and Envy
As we have seen, jealousy is the inability to bear someone else's achievement in an area that we exaggerate the importance of, for instance his or her financial success. Envious of it, we wish that we could achieve it instead. We also have seen the variation of this, which occurs when someone receives something from someone, such as love or affection. We wish that we could receive it instead.
This disturbing emotion derives from two deceptive appearances that, because of confusion and just not knowing how things exist, our minds create and project. The first is the dualistic appearance of (1) a seemingly concrete "me" who inherently deserves to achieve or receive something, but did not, and (2) a seemingly concrete "you" who inherently did not deserve to get it. Unconsciously, we feel that the world owes us something and it is unfair when others get it instead. We divide the world into two solid categories: "losers" and "winners," and imagine that people truly exist and are findable inside the boxes of these seemingly solid true categories. Then we put ourselves in the solid permanent category of "loser" and we put the other person in the solid permanent category of "winner." We might even put everyone in the winners' box, except ourselves. Not only do we feel resentment, we feel doomed. This leads to fixation on the painful thought, "poor me."
Naivety about behavioral cause and effect usually accompanies jealousy and envy. For example, we do not understand and even deny that the person who received a promotion or affection did anything to earn or deserve it. Moreover, we feel that we should get it without having to do anything to bring it about. Alternatively, we feel that we did do a lot, but still did not get the reward. Our minds thus create a second deceptive appearance and project it. Our confused minds make things appear to happen for no reason at all, or for only one reason: what we alone did.
Deconstructing Deceptive Appearances
We need to deconstruct these two deceptive appearances. Our cultures might have taught us that the driving principle inherent in the world of living beings is competition: the drive to win, survival of the fittest. But that premise might not be true. Nevertheless, if we have accepted it, we then believe that the world is inherently divided, by its very nature, into an absolute dichotomy of winners and losers. Consequently, we perceive the world in the fixed conceptual categories of winners and losers, and of course view ourselves with the same conceptual framework.
Although these concepts of winners, losers, and competition may be useful for describing evolution, we need to realize that they are only arbitrary mental constructions. "Winner" and "loser" are only mental labels. They are convenient mental categories used to describe certain events, such as coming in first in a race, getting a promotion at work instead of someone else getting it, or losing a client or student to someone else. We could just as easily divide people into the categories of "nice persons" and "not nice persons," depending on how we define "nice."
When we see that all such dualistic sets of categories are merely mentally constructed, we start to realize that there is nothing inherent on the side of "me" or "you" that locks us into solid categories. It is not that we are basically losers, inherently, and, in thinking of ourselves as losers, we have finally discovered the truth - the real "me" is a loser. Poor "me." Rather, we have many other qualities besides losing a client to someone else, so why dwell on that one as if that were the real "me."
Furthermore, it is only because of our limited minds and preoccupation with thinking "poor 'me'" and "you bastard 'you,'" that it seems like success and failure, gain and loss, happen for no reasons at all, or for irrelevant reasons. That is why we think that what happened to us was unfair. What happens in the universe, however, happens because of a huge network of cause and effect. So many things affect what happens to us and to others, it is beyond our imaginations to include every factor.
When we deconstruct these two deceptive appearances (winners and losers, and things happening for no good reason) and stop projecting them, we relax our feelings of injustice. Beneath our jealousy is merely awareness of what has been accomplished, what has happened. We lost a client to someone else and now someone else has this client. This makes us aware of a goal to achieve. If we do not begrudge someone else for achieving or receiving it, we can perhaps learn how the person accomplished the feat. This enables us to see how to accomplish it ourselves. We only feel jealous because of overlaying this awareness with dualistic appearances and concrete identities.
Conclusion
Thus, Buddhism offers a variety of methods to deal with the disturbing emotions of jealousy and envy, whether we define them in the Buddhist manner or in Western ways. When we are troubled with a disturbing emotion in these general categories, the challenge is to recognize correctly the defining characteristics and our cultural backgrounds. When, through meditation practice, we have trained ourselves in a variety of methods, we can choose an appropriate one to help us work through any emotional difficulties we may be experiencing.

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Equalizing and Exchanging Our Attitudes about Self and Others
Tsenzhab Serkong Rinpoche
translated by Alexander Berzin
Dharamsala, India, June 4, 1983

There are two traditions for how to develop bodhichitta, a heart fully dedicated to others and to attaining enlightenment in order to benefit them as much as is possible - the seven-part cause and effect tradition and the tradition of equalizing and exchanging our attitudes toward self and others. Each has a separate or distinct way of developing equanimity beforehand as a preliminary. Although each has the same name, equanimity, the type of equanimity developed is different.
1. The equanimity that comes before recognizing everyone as having been our mothers in the seven-part cause and effect meditation involves visualizing a friend, an enemy, and a stranger and is the equanimity with which we stop having feelings of attachment and repulsion. One of its names, in fact, is "the mere equanimity with which we stop having attachment and repulsion toward friends, enemies, and strangers." The word mere here implies that a second method exists that entails something further.
Another name for this first type of equanimity is "the mere equanimity that is the way of developing equanimity in common with the shravakas and the pratyekabuddas." Shravakas (listeners) and pratyekabuddhas (self-evolvers) are two types of practitioners of the Hinayana (Modest Vehicle) of the Buddha's teachings. Here, mere implies that with this type of equanimity, we do not have and are not involved with a dedicated heart of bodhichitta.
2. The equanimity that we develop as a preliminary for equalizing and exchanging our attitudes toward self and others is not merely the above type of equanimity. It is the equanimity with which we have no feelings of close or far in the thoughts or actions involved in our benefiting and helping all limited beings and eliminating their problems. This is the especially distinguished, uncommon Mahayana (Vast Vehicle) way of developing equanimity.
Mere Equanimity
If we ask what is the way of developing the equanimity that comes before recognizing everyone as having been our mothers in the seven-part cause and effect method, it involves the following steps.
Visualization of Three Persons
First, we visualize three persons: a totally nasty and unpleasant person whom we dislike or whom we consider our enemy, a very dearly cherished loved one or friend, and a stranger or someone in between toward whom we have neither of these feelings. We visualize all three of them together.
What kind of attitude ordinarily arises when we subsequently focus on each in turn? A feeling of unpleasantness, uneasiness, and repulsion arises with respect to the person we dislike. A feeling of attraction and attachment arises toward the dearly cherished friend. A feeling of indifference, wanting neither to help nor to harm, arises toward the one who is neither, since we find the stranger neither attractive nor repulsive.
Stopping Repulsion from Someone We Dislike
[For ease of discussion in English, suppose all three people we visualize are women.] First, we work with the person we dislike, the one whom we might even consider an enemy.
1. We let the feeling of finding her unpleasant and repulsive arise. When it has arisen clearly,
2. We notice that a further feeling arises, namely that it would be nice if something bad happened to her, or if she experienced something she did not want to happen.
3. We then examine the reasons for these bad feelings and wishes to arise. Usually we discover that it is because she hurt us, did us some harm, or did or said something nasty to us or to our friends. That is why we want something bad to happen to her or for her not to get what she wants.
4. Now, we think about that reason for wanting something bad to happen to this woman we dislike so much and we check to see if it really is a good reason. We consider as follows:
" In past lives, this so-called enemy has been my mother and father many times, as well as my relative and friend. She has helped me very much, uncountable times.
" In this life, it is not certain what will happen. She can become of great help and a good friend later in this life. Such things are very possible.
" In any case, she and I will have infinite future lives and it is completely certain that she will at some time be my mother or father. As such, she will help me a great deal, and I shall have to place all my hopes on her. Therefore, in the past, present, and future, since she has, is, and will help me in countless ways, she is ultimately a good friend. This is decided for sure. Because of that if, for some small reason such as she hurt me a little in this life, I consider her an enemy and wish her ill, that will not do at all.
1. We think of some examples. For instance, suppose a bank official or some wealthy person with the power to give me a lot of money and who had the desire and intention to do so, and had done so a little bit in the past, were to lose his temper and become angry one day and slap me in the face. If I were to become angry and hold on to my rage, it might cause him to lose his intention to give me any more money. There would even be the danger that he would change his mind and decide to give the money to someone else. On the other hand, if I were to bear the slap, keep my eyes down, and my mouth shut, he would become even more pleased with me later that I did not become upset. Maybe, he might even want to give me more than he originally intended. If, however, I were to become angry and make a big scene, then it would be like the Tibetan saying, "You have food in your mouth and your tongue kicks it out."
2. Therefore, I have to consider the long run with this person I dislike, and the same is true with respect to all limited beings. Their help to me in the long run is a hundred percent certain. Therefore, it is totally inappropriate for me to hold on to my anger for some slight, trivial harm that anyone might do.
3. Next, we consider how a scorpion, wild animal, or ghost, at the slightest poke or provocation immediately strikes back. Then, considering ourselves, we see how improper it is to act like such creatures. In this way, we defuse our anger. We need to think that no matter what harm this person does to me, I shall not lose my temper and become angry, otherwise I am no better than a wild animal or a scorpion.
4. In conclusion, we put all of this in the form of a syllogism of logic. I shall stop getting angry at others for the reason that they have done me some harm, because
" in past lives, they have been my parents;
" later in this life, there is no certainty that they will not become my dearest friends;
" in the future, they will at some time or other be reborn as my parents and help me a great deal, so in the three times they have been helpful to me;
" and if I get angry in return, then I am no better than a wild animal. Therefore, I shall stop getting angry for the small harm they may do to me in this life.
Stopping Attachment for Someone We Like
1. We focus on our friend or loved one in the group of enemy, friend, and stranger that we initially visualized.
2. We let our feeling of attraction and attachment arise toward her.
3. Letting ourselves feel even stronger how much we want to be with this person, we then
4. Examine our reasons for having such infatuation and attachment. It is because she gave me some small help in this life, did something nice for me, made me feel good, or something like that, and so I feel drawn to her and am attached.
5. Now, we examine whether this is a proper reason for having such a feeling. It is also not a good reason, because
" undoubtedly in past lives, she has been my enemy, hurt me, and even eaten my flesh and drunk my blood.
" Later on in this life, there is no certainty that she will not become my worst enemy.
" In future lives, it is decided for sure that she will hurt me or will do something really nasty to me at some time.
1. If, for the small reason of her doing something nice, but trivial, for me in this life, I become infatuated and attached to her, then I am no better than the men who are enticed by the songs of siren cannibal women. These sirens take on a pretty appearance, lure men with their ways, and then later gobble them up.
2. In this way, we decide never to become attached to anyone for some small nice thing he or she does for us in this life.
Stopping Indifference toward Someone Neutral
Thirdly, we follow the same procedure with the person who is in between - the stranger who is neither a friend nor an enemy.
1. We focus on such a person from our visualization,
2. Let ourselves feel nothing, neither the wish to harm nor to help, neither to get rid of nor to be with this person,
3. and feel further the intention to ignore her.
4. We examine our reason for feeling this way. It is because she has not done anything either to help or to hurt me, and so I have no relation with her.
5. When we examine further whether this is a valid reason to feel this way, we see that she is not ultimately a stranger, because in countless previous lives, later in this life, and in future lives she will be close, she will be a friend, and so on.
In this way, we will be able to stop all feelings of anger, attachment, or indifference toward enemies, friends, and strangers. This is the way to develop the mere equanimity that is in common with that of the shravakas and pratyekabuddhas and which is developed as a preliminary to recognizing everyone as having been our mothers in the seven-part cause and effect method for developing a dedicated heart of bodhichitta.
Distinguished Mahayana Equanimity
The way to develop equanimity in terms of equalizing and exchanging our attitudes with respect to self and others is divided into two:
1. the way to actualize the equanimity that depends on the relative point of view,
2. the way to actualize the equanimity that depends on the deepest point of view.
The way that depends on the relative point of view is divided into two:
1. the way to actualize the equanimity that depends on our own points of view,
2. the way to actualize the equanimity that depends on the points of view of others.
The Way to Actualize the Equanimity that Depends on Our Own Points of View
This involves three points.
1. Since all limited beings have been our parents, relatives, and friends in countless lives, it is improper to feel that some are close and others far, that this one is a friend and that one an enemy, to welcome some and to reject others. We need to think that, after all, if I have not seen my mother in ten minutes, ten years, or ten lives, she is still my mother.
2. It is possible, however, that just as these beings have helped me, sometimes they have also harmed me. Compared to the number of times they have helped me and the amount they have helped me, however, the harm they have done is trivial. Therefore, it is improper to welcome one as close and reject another as distant.
3. We shall definitely die, but the time of our death is completely uncertain. Suppose, for example, we were sentenced to be executed tomorrow. It would be absurd to use our last day to become angry and hurt someone. By choosing something trivial, we would be missing our chance to do anything positive and meaningful with our last day. For example, once there was a high official who became furious with someone and thought to punish him severely the next day. He spent all that day planning it out and then the next morning, before he could do anything, he himself died suddenly. His anger was completely absurd. The same is true if the other person were to be condemned to die the next day. It would be pointless to hurt him today.
The Way to Actualize the Equanimity that Depends on the Points of View of Others
This is also divided into three points.
1. We need to consider, as for myself, I do not want to suffer, even in my dreams, and no matter how much happiness I have, I never feel it is enough. The same is true with absolutely everyone else. All limited beings, from a tiny bug upwards, wish to be happy and never to suffer or to have any problems. Therefore, it is improper to reject some and to welcome others.
2. Suppose ten beggars came to my door. It is totally improper and unfair to give food to just some and not to the rest. They all are equal in their hunger and need for food. Likewise, as for happiness untainted with confusion - well, who has that? But even happiness that is tainted by confusion - all limited beings lack a sufficient supply. It is something that everyone has keen interest in finding. Therefore, it is improper to reject some as far and welcome others as close.
3. As another example, suppose there were ten sick people. They are all equal in being miserable and pathetic. Therefore, it is unfair to favor some, to treat only them, and to forget about the others. Likewise, all limited beings are equally miserable with their specific individual troubles and with the general problems of uncontrollably recurring existence or samsara. Because of that, it is unfair and improper to reject some as far and welcome others as close.
The Way to Actualize the Equanimity that Depends on the Deepest Point of View
This also involves three rounds of thought.
1. We think about how, because of our confusion, we label someone who helps us or is nice to us as a true friend and someone who hurts us as a true enemy. However, if they were established as truly existing in the ways that we label them to be, then the Tathagata (Accordingly Transformed) Buddha himself would need to have seen them like that as well. But, he never did. As Dharmakirti has said in A Commentary on (Dignaga's "Compendium of) Validly Cognizing Minds" (Pramanavarittika), "The Buddha is the same toward someone applying scented water to one side of his body and someone else slicing him with a sword on the other."
We can also see this impartiality in the example of how Buddha treated his cousin, Devadatta, who was always trying to harm him out of jealousy. Therefore, we too need to avoid being partisan and taking sides with people out of thinking with confusion that they exist truly in the categories in which we label them. No one exists that way. We need to work on stopping our grasping for true existence. This grasping comes from our confused minds making things appear to us in ways that are not true.
2. Furthermore, if limited beings were established as truly existing in the categories of friend and enemy, just as we grasp at them to be, they would always have to remain like that. Consider, for instance, a watch that we feel always has the correct time. Just as it is possible for its condition some time to change and for it to run slow, so likewise the status of others does not remain fixed, but can also change. If we think about the teachings concerning the fact that there is no certainty in the uncontrollably recurring situations of samsara, it helps here, as with the example of the son eating his father, hitting his mother, and cradling his enemy. This example comes in the instructions for developing an intermediate level motivation in the graded stages of the path to enlightenment (lamrim).
Once, the arya (highly realized being) Katyayana came to a house where the father had been reborn as a fish in the pond and his son was eating him. The son then hit the dog, which had been his mother, with the fish bones of his father and cradled the child in his arms who had been his enemy. Katyayana laughed at the absurdity of such changes in the status of beings wandering in samsara. Thus, we need to stop holding on to or grasping at people to exist in the fixed and permanent categories of friend or enemy, and then on that basis, welcoming the one and rejecting the other.
3. In A Compendium of Trainings (Shikshasamuccaya), Shantideva has explained how self and others depend on each another. Like the example of far and near mountains, they depend on or are relative designations to one another. When we are on the close mountain, the other seems to be the far one and this one the near. When we go to the other side, this one becomes the far mountain and that one the near. Likewise, we are not established as existing as "self" from our own sides, because when we look at ourselves from the point of view of someone else, we become the "other". Similarly, friend and enemy are just different ways of looking at or regarding a person. Someone can be both one person's friend and another's enemy. Like the near and far mountains, it is all relative to our points of view.
The Five Decisions
From having thought like this about the above five points, we need to make five decisions.
I Shall Stop Being Partisan
Whether we look from the relative or deepest point of view, there is no reason for considering some people or beings as close and others as far. Therefore, we need to make a firm decision: I shall stop being partisan. I shall rid myself of feelings of partiality with which I reject some and welcome others. Because hostility and attachment harm me both in this and future lives, both temporarily and ultimately, in both the short and the long runs, they have no benefits. They are the roots for hundreds of kinds of suffering. They are like guards that keeping me circling in the prison of my uncontrollably recurring problems of samsara.
Think of the example of those who stayed behind in Tibet after the uprising in 1959. Those who were attached to their monasteries, wealth, possessions, homes, relatives, friends, and so on, could not bear to leave them behind. Consequently, they were interred in prisons or concentration camps for twenty or more years, because of their attachment. Such feelings of partiality are the slaughterers who lead us into the fires of the joyless hell-realms. They are the festering demons inside us that prevent us from sleeping at night. We must root them out by all means.
On the other hand, an equal attitude toward everyone, with which we wish all limited beings to be happy and to be parted from their problems and sufferings, is important from any point of view, both temporarily and ultimately. It is the main thoroughfare traveled by all Buddhas and bodhisattvas to reach their attainments. It is the intention and innermost wish of all the Buddhas of the three times. Therefore, we need to think that no matter what harm or help any limited beings do to me from their sides, from my side I have no alternative. I shall not get angry or be attached. I shall not consider some as distant and others as close. There can be no way or method to handle situations other than that. I am definitely decided. I shall have an equal attitude in terms of how I think and act toward everybody, since everyone wants to be happy and never to suffer. This is what I shall make as much effort as possible to do. O spiritual mentor, please inspire me to do this as best as is possible. These are the thoughts we need to have when we recite the first of the five stanzas in An Offering Ceremony for the Spiritual Masters (Lama Chopa, Guru Puja) that are associated with this practice:
Inspire us to increase others' comfort and joy,
By thinking that others and we are no different:
No one wishes even the slightest suffering,
Nor is ever content with the happiness he or she has.
Thus, with this first verse we pray to develop an equal attitude of having no feelings of close or far in our thoughts or actions with respect to bringing about the happiness and eliminating the suffering equally of everyone. Such an attitude of equality fulfills the definition of the type of equanimity or equalized attitude with which we concern ourselves here. We make the firm decision to develop and achieve that attitude, in the same way as when we see some wonderful article in a store and decide to buy it.
I Shall Rid Myself of Self-Cherishing
Next, we think about the faults of having a self-cherishing attitude. Because of the selfish concern of a self-cherishing attitude, we act destructively, commit the ten negative actions, and consequently bring ourselves hellish rebirths. From there, all the way up to an arhat's (liberated being's) not attaining enlightenment - such selfish concern causes the loss of all happiness and peace. Although bodhisattvas are close to enlightenment, some are closer than are others. The differences among them come from the amount of self-cherishing they still have. From disputes in countries to discord between spiritual masters and disciples, within families, or among friends - all come from self-cherishing. Therefore, we need to think that if I do not get rid of this festering mess of selfishness and self-cherishing inside me, there is no way that I shall ever enjoy any happiness. Thus, I shall never let myself come under the sway of self-cherishing. O spiritual mentor, please inspire me to rid myself of all selfish concern. These are the thoughts with the second verse:
Inspire us to see that this chronic disease of self-cherishing
Is the cause giving rise to our unsought suffering,
And thus, begrudging it as what is to blame,
To destroy the monstrous demon of selfishness.
Thus, with the second verse, we make the firm decision to rid ourselves of our self-cherishing attitudes of selfish concern.
I Shall Make Cherishing Others My Main Practice
Next, we think about the benefits and good qualities that follow from cherishing others. In this life, all happiness and everything going well; in future lives, birth as humans or gods; and in general, all happiness up to the attainment of enlightenment come from cherishing others. We need to think a great deal about this in terms of many examples. For instance, a well-liked official's popularity is due to his cherishing and being concerned with others. Our ethical self-discipline of restraining from taking the life of another or from stealing derives from our cherishing of others, and this is what can bring us rebirth as humans.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, for example, always thinks about the welfare of everyone everywhere, and all his good qualities come from this cherishing of others. The bodhisattva Togmey-zangpo could not be harmed by Kama, the god of desire, who set out to cause him interference. This great Tibetan practitioner was the type of person who, if an insect flew into a flame, would break into tears. He was sincerely concerned about all others and so even ghosts and such interferers could not bring themselves to harm him. This was because, as the spirits themselves said, he has thoughts only of benefiting and cherishing us.
In one of Buddha's previous lives when he was born as an Indra, a king of the gods, there was a war between the gods and the anti-gods. The anti-gods were winning and so Indra fled in his chariot. He came to a spot on the road where many pigeons had congregated, and feared that he would run some of them over, he halted his chariot. Seeing this, the anti-gods thought he had stopped his chariot to turn back and attack them, and so they fled. If we analyze this, we see that their flight was due to Indra's attitude of cherishing others. In such ways as these, we need to think about the advantages of cherishing others from many points of view.
When a magistrate or any official sits very elegantly in an office, his position and everything about it are due to the existence of others. In this example, the kindness of others consists simply in the fact that they exist. If no people existed other than himself, he could not be a magistrate. He would have nothing to do. Moreover, even if people exist, if no one ever came to him, this magistrate would just sit back and do nothing. On the other hand, if many people came before him, looking to him to settle their affairs, then in dependence upon them, he would sit up nicely and serve them. The same is true for a lama. In dependence on others, he sits nicely and teaches. His entire position is due to there being others for him to help. He teaches Dharma to benefit them and thus his help comes from his depending on others, such as through his remembering their kindness.
Likewise, it is through love and compassion, from cherishing others, that we can quickly become enlightened. For instance, if an enemy hurts us and we develop patience, and thereby we come closer to enlightenment, this has come about due to our cherishing of the other. Thus, since limited beings are the basis and root of all happiness and welfare, barring none, we need to decide that regardless of what they might do or how they might harm me, I shall always cherish others. Other beings are like my spiritual mentors, Buddhas, or precious gems in that I shall cherish them, feel a loss if anything were to go wrong with them, and never reject them, no matter what. I shall always have a kind and warm heart toward them. Please, inspire me, O my spiritual mentor, never to be parted for even a moment from such a heart and feeling for others. This is the meaning of the third verse:
Inspire us to see that the mind that cherishes our mothers
and would secure them in bliss
Is the gateway leading to infinite virtues,
And thus to cherish these wandering beings more than our lives,
Even should they loom up as our enemies.
In this way, we decide to take as our central focus the practice of cherishing others.
I Definitely Am Capable of Exchanging My Attitudes Regarding Self and Others
By relying on the gateway of thinking about the many faults of cherishing ourselves and about the many qualities of cherishing others, when we feel that we must change our values of whom we cherish, and then we wonder whether we really can change them, we definitely can. We can change our attitudes because before he became enlightened, the Buddha was just like us. He too was similarly wandering from rebirth to rebirth in the uncontrollably recurring situations and problems of samsara. Nevertheless, the Able Buddha exchanged his attitudes about whom he cherished. By holding fast to cherishing others, he reached the summit of being able to fulfill his own and others' aims.
In contrast, we have cherished only ourselves and ignored all others. Putting aside accomplishing anything of benefit to others, we have not accomplished even the slightest benefit for ourselves. Cherishing ourselves and ignoring others have made us totally helpless, unable to accomplish anything of real significance. We cannot develop a true renunciation or determination to be free from our problems. We cannot even prevent ourselves from falling to one of the worst states of rebirth. In these ways, we think about the faults of cherishing ourselves and about the benefits of cherishing others. If Buddha was able to change his attitude and he started out like us, we can change our attitude as well.
Not only that, but with enough familiarity, it is even possible to cherish the bodies of others the same as we would take care of our own. After all, we took drops of sperm and egg from other people's bodies, namely our parents, and now we cherish them as our own bodies. Originally, they were not ours. Therefore, we need to think it is not impossible to change my attitude. I can exchange the attitudes I have toward self and others. Therefore, however I think about it, it will not do unless I exchange the attitudes I hold toward self and others. It is something that I can do, not something I cannot do. Therefore, inspire me, O my spiritual mentor, to do it. This is the thrust of the fourth stanza.
In brief, inspire us to develop the minds that understand
the distinctions between
The faults of infantile beings slaving for their selfish ends alone
And the virtues of the Kings of Sages working solely for the sake of others,
And thus, to be able to equalize and exchange our attitudes
concerning others and ourselves.
Thus, the decision we make here is that we definitely can exchange our attitudes concerning the cherishing of self and others.
I Shall Definitely Exchange My Attitudes Regarding Self and Others
Again, we think about the faults of self-cherishing and the benefits of cherishing others, but this time we do it in an alternating fashion, mixing the two together. In other words, we go through the ten destructive and the ten constructive actions, one by one in turn from each list alternatively, and see their results in terms of self-cherishing and cherishing others. For instance, if I cherish myself I will not hesitate to take the lives of others. As a result, I will be reborn in a joyless hell realm and even when born later as a human, I will have a short life full of sickness. On the other hand, if I cherish others, I will stop taking the lives of others and, as a result, I will be reborn in a better state, have a long life, and so on. Then, we repeat the same procedure with stealing and refraining from stealing, indulging in inappropriate sexual behavior and refraining from such action, and so on. In short, as the fifth stanza says:
Since cherishing ourselves is the doorway to all torment,
While cherishing our mothers is the foundation for everything good,
Inspire us to make our core practice
The yoga of exchanging others for ourselves.
The fifth decision, then, is that I definitely shall exchange my attitudes toward self and others. This does not mean, of course, to decide that now I am you and you are me. Rather, it means to exchange the points of view with respect to whom we cherish. Instead of cherishing ourselves and ignoring others, now we shall ignore our selfish concerns and cherish everyone else. If we fail to do this, there is no way we can attain anything. But if we make this exchange in our attitudes, then on that basis we can go on to train with the visualizations of giving away our happiness to others and taking on their sufferings, as a way to develop sincere caring love and compassionate sympathy. On that basis, we will be able to develop the exceptional resolve to alleviate the problems and sufferings of everyone and bring them happiness, and the dedicated heart of bodhichitta with which we strive for enlightenment in order to be able to do so as much as is possible.
The source for these teachings is Engaging in Bodhisattva Behavior (Bodhicharyavatara) by Shantideva, the teachings of the Kadampa masters, and of course An Offering Ceremony to the Spiritual Masters by the First Panchen Lama. They appear in this form with numbered sections in The Collected Works of Kyabjey Trijang Dorjechang, the Late Junior Tutor of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. However, to be too interested in the outline and the numbers within it is like when we have a plate of seven momos (dumplings) in front of us and instead of eating them, we want someone to attest to how many there are, what the source was for their shape, and so on. Just sit down and eat!

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Existent Phenomena
Static and Nonstatic Phenomena
Alexander Berzin
Freiburg, Germany, March 15, 2002

According to the Buddhist analysis, existent phenomena (yod-pa) comprise everything validly knowable. If something exists, it is validly knowable and, in fact, the existence of something can only be established in relation to its being validly knowable. Otherwise, we cannot even discuss an item or consider whether it is existent or not.
What exists and can be known, however, may be either the establishment of something (an affirmation) (sgrub-pa), such as a table, or the absence of something (a nullification) (dgag-pa), such as the absence of a table.
Anything that cannot be validly known does not exist. "Prince" or "Princess Charming" on a white horse, for example, does not exist. Something representing "Prince Charming" or "Princess Charming" can be known, such as a fairy tale story, a cartoon image, or merely the words "Prince" or "Princess" and "Charming." However, an actual Prince or Princess Charming cannot be validly known, since there is no such thing.
Although there are no such things as nonexistent phenomena (Prince or Princess Charming), yet the nonexistence of something (the nonexistence of a Prince or Princess Charming) is a validly knowable nullification and is therefore an existent phenomenon. Thus, no matter how much we may seek the perfect partner, we will never find a Prince or Princess Charming. With deep understanding of reality, we may come to know there is no such thing and accept our partners as they are.
Static Phenomena
Existent, validly knowable phenomena include both static (rtag-pa) and nonstatic (mi-rtag-pa) phenomena, usually translated as permanent and impermanent phenomena. The distinction between the two, however, is drawn not in terms of how long a phenomenon exists. Rather, it is drawn in terms of whether or not the phenomenon changes from moment to moment while it exists, no matter for how long that might be.
Static phenomena include facts about something. These facts are abstractions imputed about something and they only exist and can be known so long as the basis for their imputation last. When the basis for imputing a static fact ceases to exist, the static fact about it no longer exists and is no longer the case. Moreover, so long as a static fact exists and is the case, it does not change or do anything.
An example is a voidness - an absence of something existing in an impossible way. An impossible way for something to exist might be, for example, in a vacuum, all by itself, totally independently of anything else, as if with solid lines around it as in a coloring book. The absence of a table, for instance, existing with a solid line around it exists only so long as the table exists. When the table no longer exists, we can no longer cognize or speak about the absence of it existing with a solid line around it. We can only speak of the absence of a solid line around the past table, but not around the present table, because there is no present table. On the other hand, the absence of anything knowable existing with a solid line around it exists forever, because knowable phenomena exist with no beginning and no end.
A more down-to-earth example is the absence of my partner existing as Prince or Princess Charming. That is an impossible way of existing, because there is no such manner of existence. This fact is true about my partner for as long as my partner exists. It is never going to change. Therefore, there is no hope that my partner will change some time in the future and become Prince or Princess Charming. Moreover, it was never the case that he or she existed as Prince or Princess Charming before meeting me, but now has changed into the Monster. Further, the absence of all people existing as Prince or Princess Charming is a static fact that is true and is the case forever. No one will ever exist as the Prince or Princess; therefore, it is best to give up false hopes and expectations of ever meeting someone who exists as that.
The static fact of the absolute absence of anyone existing as Prince or Princess Charming is a neutral fact, neither good nor bad. Therefore, there is no need to become upset about it. We need to accept it, whether we like it or not. Moreover, the fact itself cannot do anything; it cannot produce any effect. However, knowing and accepting the fact can do something: it can help us avoid frustration and problems. Confusion about it can also do something: it can cause us to create problems in our relationships. Therefore, it is important to learn and try to remain mindful of the facts of reality.
Four Types of Nonstatic Phenomena
Nonstatic phenomena are those things that
" arise from or are supported by causes and conditions,
" change from moment to moment,
" produce effects.
There are four types of nonstatic phenomena. Those that
1. have a beginning and an end - such as our gross bodies, a relationship with someone, or an episode of anger;
2. have no beginning and no end - such as our mental continuums;
3. have no beginning, but have an end - such as the presence of unawareness (ignorance, confusion) accompanying our mental continuums;
4. have a beginning, but no end - such as the death of a loved one, or the functioning of our mental continuums as omniscient minds of Buddhas.
Gross Impermanence
Nonstatic phenomena that have a beginning and an end undergo both gross and subtle impermanence.
Gross impermanence is the final destruction of something. For example, a relationship with someone will have an end. Such things last only so long as the causes and conditions that support and give rise to them are gathered together and continue. Once the supporting causes and conditions are gone, these things come to an end.
If we fail to accept this fact, we delude ourselves and suffer greatly. We cling to a relationship or to our youthful vigor, for example, as if they could last forever, and our attachment and confusion cause enormous pain when these things inevitably end. If we accept the fact of gross impermanence, we are able to enjoy a relationship or our youthful vigor for as long as they last.
It is like the example of a beautiful wild bird that comes to our window. The bird will of course fly away, and if we grasp at it and try to catch it, it will either fly away sooner or die in captivity. If we accept that it will inevitably leave, we enjoy the moment. We may be sad when the bird flies away, but the sadness does not overwhelm us. It too will pass.
Subtle Impermanence
Subtle impermanence is not merely the moment to moment changing of a nonstatic phenomenon that has a beginning and an end. It is not merely the fact that the phenomenon is drawing closer each moment to its ultimate end, like a time bomb. It is also the fact that the cause for the phenomenon's final disintegration or end is its coming into being, its arising.
For example, the fact that we enter a relationship with someone and start living together is the cause for it eventually to end. An argument or death is only the circumstance for it to end, but not the deepest cause. This does not mean that the relationship cannot grow and develop into something beautiful. It does not mean that is doomed, and so we cannot enjoy it while it lasts. Rather, it means that we do not blame the other person or ourselves for making the relationship end. Of course, it will end, simply because it began.
Moreover, each moment of living together is one moment closer to the arrangement ending. This aspect of subtle impermanence is not so obvious. Thus, although we might understand and accept gross impermanence - that some day we shall part our ways - still we might think that while we are living together, our situation is remaining stable and static. Under such a delusion, we are caught by surprise when gross impermanence strikes and our living together comes to an end. With awareness of subtle impermanence, we appreciate more the fragility of the situation and cherish it more deeply.
The Problem of Change
The so-called "worldly happiness" - the usual happiness with which we are all familiar - is problematic. Every small period of it ends; we never know when that will happen; the experience of it doesn't rid us of all our suffering and problems; and we have no way to know how we will feel next. Thus, in a relationship with someone, we need to be realistic about the happiness that we experience and not inflate it into something impossible. The nature of samsara, and thus the nature of any relationship, is that it goes up and down.
Nonstatic Phenomena with No Beginning and No End
Our individual mental continuums, which are the continuities of our individual subjective experiencing of things, have no beginning and no end. They are eternal; they last forever. It is illogical for them to have an absolute beginning at which they arise
1. from no cause,
2. from causes that are of a different category of phenomena, such as physical matter,
3. from another being's subjective mental activity, or
4. from the power of a creator.
Similarly, it is illogical for them to have an absolute end, without generating, by the laws of behavioral cause and effect, a next moment of continuity.
Consider the case of the continuity of our living together with someone. Living together with someone has a beginning, because the causes and conditions for its arising - each party being a certain age, being in the same location, having certain emotional needs, and so on - come together at a specific moment. The circumstances and conditions for our living together to begin were not gathered together before. Because the conditions for it arising come together newly at some moment and are not naturally together, the conditions will fall apart at some later moment. At that moment, the continuity of our living together will end.
The situation is quite different with the continuity of our individual subjective experiencing of things. Although our experiencing of something specific, such as of a specific event, arises newly when that event occurs, our experiencing things in general is not created newly at any specific moment. It is the characteristic feature of our mental continuums and is always together with our continuums, regardless of the causes and conditions affecting the contents of what we experience at any given moment. Thus, a continuity of experiencing is not coming closer each moment to its ultimate end.
In summary, the fundamental nature of experiencing things does not change; nevertheless, experiencing itself changes from moment to moment. This is because experiencing must have contents and, because the contents change each moment and because experiencing arises dependently on contents as its condition, the experiencing also changes from moment to moment. Nevertheless, the continuity of individual subjective experiencing of things does not undergo gross impermanence. It will not come to a final end. Although it changes from moment to moment, it also does not undergo subtle impermanence - either in the sense of it approaching closer, every moment, to its final demise or in the sense of its arising being the cause of its ending.
Even if we do not think in terms of past and future lives, still, if we realize that the continuity of our individual, subjective experiencing of things goes on in this life, we do not suffer so greatly when something within our lives comes to an end, such as living with someone. We understand that life goes on, experience continues, without a break, and so new relationships can arise in the future.
Nonstatic Phenomena with No Beginning, but with an End
The unawareness (of how everything actually exists) that accompanies a continuum of individual, subjective experiencing of things has no beginning, as is the case with the continuum itself. However, unlike that continuum, it can have an end. Thus, it can undergo gross impermanence. The unawareness, however, does not undergo subtle impermanence. Because it has no absolute beginning, it is not slowly falling apart and approaching closer, each moment, to its ultimate end.
Unawareness and awareness are mutually exclusive. In the same moment, we cannot both know and not know how everything exists, nor can we know how everything exists both correctly and incorrectly. Moreover, correct understanding can be validated. It withstands the force of analysis, whereas unawareness or confusion falls apart the closer we scrutinize it. Therefore, unawareness can come to an end because it can be replaced by awareness.
Moreover, once the continuity of correct understanding can be maintained without a break, unawareness ends forever. As the great Indian Buddhist master Shantideva explained, unawareness is not like an external enemy. Once it is definitively banished from the mental continuum, it cannot go anywhere. When we turn on the light in a room, the darkness doesn't go somewhere and hide.
In terms of a relationship, then, the unawareness that no one exists as a Prince or Princess Charming, which accompanies our interaction with a partner either consciously or unconsciously, will not weaken and go away by itself. With correct understanding, however, that there is no such thing as a partner who exists in this impossible manner, the unawareness can come to an end.
Nonstatic Phenomena with a Beginning, but No End
The continuity of an individual's correct understanding of everything (the functioning of an individual mental continuum as the omniscient awareness of a Buddha) has a beginning, but no end. It begins with the attainment of enlightenment, and continues forever. The first moment of the continuity, however, is not created anew from the gathering of causes and conditions that were not previously together. The situation resembles that of a mirror covered with dirt.
A mirror covered with dirt does not function to reflect objects. The removal of the dirt marks the beginning of the mirror reflecting, but it does not create the mirror functioning to reflect. The functioning of the mirror is a natural characteristic of the mirror. It was simply blocked by the dirt.
Similarly, unawareness blocks the functioning of our mental continuums as omniscient awarenesses reflecting everything. The removal of the unawareness signals the start of our continuums functioning omnisciently, but does not create that functioning. Reflecting everything, as a mirror does, is a natural feature of our mental continuums.
Therefore, although an omniscient awareness changes from moment to moment as its focus and contents change, it undergoes neither gross nor subtle impermanence. This is because, although its functioning omnisciently has a beginning, its functioning is not created by causes and conditions coming together anew. Knowing this helps us to gain the self-esteem and self-confidence that allows us to work on removing our confusion in a healthy manner.
In terms of a relationship, our mental continuums, like mirrors or cameras, have always taken in the factual information of the other person - how he or she has looked, acted, and spoken. The removal of our confusion and projections does not create that camera-like ability. It was already there and will continue forever.

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Holistic healing
By Ding Ying, Selected From Beijing Review, Dec 21, 2004

It was a cold November afternoon in Beijing. A senior lama was surrounded by scores of people in a small hall. They expressed their great respect by presenting him with white hada, long silk scarves used as a greeting gift among Tibetan and Mongolian ethnic groups. This was not a Buddhist ceremony, but a Tibetan medicine lecture by Venerable Lama Zhaxi Rinpoche, hosted by the Buddhist Association of Beijing.
Zhaxi Lungdor Dainqu Gyamco Rinpoche (photo, left), was born in 1936, the Year of Fire Mouse of Tibetan calendar, in a village near Tar Monastery in Qinghai. The monastery, one of the famous Tibetan monasteries in the country, is located in Huangzhong County, Qinghai Province's capital Xining, and was built in 1577 in memory of Master Zongkapa, founder of the Gelug Sect of Tibetan Buddhism.
When he was three years old, Zhaxi Rinpoche was recognized as the reincarnation of the previous Zhaxi Lama, who passed away in 1934. In 1943, the seven-year-old Zhaxi Rinpoche formally entered the monastery. Rinpoche is the title given to venerable lamas who are recognized from a previous incarnation.
After 15 years studying Tibetan language and sutras, Zhaxi Rinpoche, began his medical study. "I wanted to do something down-to-earth for my people," he recalls.
"Being a Buddhist, I may not have to understand ordinary people"s joy and happiness, but firstly I must know their pain and sorrow. I feel I have the responsibility to heal their pain, not only by spiritual healing, but also in the way of medical treatment," he explained.
By studying traditional Tibetan medical classics, such as the Four-Volume Medical Tantras, and after decades of medical practice, Zhaxi Rinpoche became a well-known Tibetan doctor. Between 1965 and 1980, he was often found collecting herbs in the hills around the monastery, which he would later use to make medicine for people suffering from various diseases in the area. In 1980, he built the Kumbum Tibetan Medicine Hospital of Tar Monastery, and during his tenure as the hospital"s president, it became known as one of the leading Tibetan medicine research centers in China.
Tibetan medicine is a holistic healing system in which the human body is considered based on the five elements of space, air, fire, water and earth. These are manifested in the human body by the three factors or the "three humors," wind, bile and phlegm, which govern the functions of the body. In Tibetan these are known as lung, chipa and paigen. Each of these three is considered to be a sort of energy or force, which circulates through the centers of the body. "To cure the disease, we doctors need to rebalance these three factors," explained Zhaxi Rinpoche.
One of the outstanding characteristics of Tibetan medicine is its connection with Buddhist tenets. Zhaxi Rinpoche said, "Lung is like a wind, concentrating at the lower portion of the body, while chipa affects middle, and paigen the upper part of the body. As people get older, lung in the body increases. When people pass away in old age, we say that the wind inside them has blown away." He believes the secret of a longer and healthier life is to live by the principle of moderation. "For example," he explained, "if one drinks or eats too much, he will suffer from liver disease, stomachache and even heart disease. On the contrary, if he eats or drinks too little, he might be in danger of malnutrition. Anyway, people cannot do anything without proper self control, and being excessive is against nature."
Making Diagnosis: Traditional Tibetan healing involves mind, body and spirit
Zhaxi Rinpoche leads a very simple life. Every morning, he gets up at 5:30. After a short sutra chant and meditation, he eats a simple breakfast of zanba, a bowl of fried barley flour, and a bowl of water. This is followed by sutra chants. "I usually recite one sutra 1,000 or 2,000 times every day, a habit I have had for many years," he noted.
The other important part of his daily routine is teaching disciples. Being an eminent and learned Rinpoche, both on Buddhist sutras and medical research, he always has a lot of followers, both from within China and foreign countries. Presently he teaches two or three disciples every year. His senior student Sanggyi, a 16-year-old from one of Mongolia"s ethnic groups, has been studying with him for five years, beginning his study of Tibetan medicine two years ago. Talking about Sanggyi brings great joy to Zhaxi Rinpoche and he sounds more like a grandfather than a venerated lama. "Sanggyi is a very clever and docile. He is working very hard on medicine study and when I treat patients, he is always watching. I hope he will be a good doctor."
As a famous research unit on Tibetan medicine, Tar Monastery has opened Tibetan medical clinics throughout the country, including Beijing. Every year, senior lama doctors from the monastery"s Kumbum Tibetan Hospital pay regular visits in these clinics, as part of their medical practice. During his duty in the clinic in Beijing, Zhaxi Rinpoche diagnoses and give treatments to about 200 patients, most of them are from out of town and have been attracted by his reputation. For a 68-year-old, it is a very long and exhausting workday. But he never refuses any patient who comes and asks for his help. "I am just an ordinary doctor, and my responsibility is to reduce their pain," he said.
Because of geographic and climatic reasons, Tibetan medicine is particularly effective in treating chronic diseases, such as heart and cardiovascular diseases, hepatitis and apoplexy. Since 1988, Zhaxi Rinpoche"s hospital has carried out thorough research on traditional Tibetan prescriptions, and successfully produced them commercially. Feedback has shown the medicine is working effectively on both Chinese and foreign patients.
"Today, our Tibetan medicine is made up from many resources, some from India and Nepal, some from Han Chinese medicine and the rest gathered from our Qinghai-Tibetan Plateau," he said.
Traditional Tibetan medicines are divided into four categories: Liquid medicine, medicine powder, pills and plasters. "In recent years, most Tibetan medicines are made into pills, because the patients want a better taste and convenience. But such a reform reduced the efficiency of medicines, because pills cannot be the best medicine for all diseases. So, I suggested that we should resume some of our traditional treatments, for example, using phlebotomy on treating apoplexy," he added.
Another worry for him is that mass production might damage the environment of the plateau. "It usually takes nature decades of years to cultivate some medical plants, which grow only on the plateau. But industrial production causes an excessive consumption of these material, including plants, animals and minerals," he stressed. "The best way to protect the environment is to find substitutions in a precondition of assuring the medicine"s qualities."
On medical research, Zhaxi Rinpoche has an open mind. As he speaks fluent Tibetan, Mongolian and Chinese, he keeps up to date with other medical developments, like works on Han Chinese medicines and Western medical theory. "Other medical systems also have their advantages and specialties. As long as it can cure disease and reduce people"s pains, it is good," he concluded.

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Homepage features Jun 02, 2003

Antibacterial qualities of tea
Not only did researchers at Sheffield University recently identify the benefits of green tea for the prevention of osteoarthritis, now researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago have identified that as well as inhibiting the growth of pathogens in the mouth, black tea and its polyphenols may benefit human oral health by suppressing the bad-smelling compounds that these pathogens produce.
And, according to research by US microbiologist, Milton Schiffenbauer, of the independent Pace University, green tea is better at fighting viruses. "Our research shows tea extracts can destroy the organism that causes disease,' he told a conference in Washington DC. "If we can stimulate the immune system and at the same time we are destroying the organisms, then it makes sense to drink more tea."

Probiotic supplements in pregnancy
Researchers have found that women taking probiotic supplements during pregnancy can protect their children from eczema for up to four years. The study found that women and babies taking the supplements reduced the risk of eczema by 40 percent in at-risk four-year-olds. There was also the suggestion of a reduction in asthma rates.
The study, carried out in Finland and published in The Lancet in the UK, studied 132 children who had taken part in an earlier probiotics investigation. Their mothers were given capsules of a probiotic or a placebo for four weeks before giving birth. After birth, capsules were given to the breast-feeding mother or the child for six months. Of 53 children exposed to lactobacillus 14 had developed eczema after four years, compared with 25 of 54 who did not get the supplement. Concentrations of exhaled nitric oxide, a marker for the lung inflammation associated with asthma, were significantly higher in children not exposed to the lactobacillus.

Back pain - all in the mind?
Researchers at the Metropolitan University in Manchester, UK have been studying the treatment of patients with chronic lower back pain, at the North Manchester General Hospital. Here they found that patients benefited from a combination of exercise and psychological support. The researchers suggest psychological support could reduce the number of people being put onto waiting lists for scans and conventional therapy.
Researchers evaluated the hospital's programme which has been running since 1999, and which has treated more than 250 people. The hospital's eight-week scheme encourages people to exercise, and also addresses their concerns about their back pain.
Patients are exposed to actions they may have a fear of, to break their pattern of avoidance and inactivity which can lead to further back problems. They found that psychological factors such as depression, fear and low confidence were more important in prolonging patients' conditions than their physical incapacity.
One woman in her 40s had been off work for two years and had a fear of carrying office files, so doctors taught her the fear was irrational and showed her how to lift objects without anxiety about her back. She has now been able to go back to work.

Happy Buddhists
US scientists have proved that Buddhists really do hold the key to happiness. Research at the University of Wisconsin-Madison has shown that in experienced Buddhists, the brain's 'happiness centre' is constantly alive with electrical signals. The positive effects are seen all the time, not only during meditation, which suggests that the Buddhist way of life may affect the way their brains work. These findings may eventually allow researchers to develop meditation techniques as treatments for depressive illnesses.
The University of Wisconsin-Madison study team scanned the brains of people who had been practising Buddhists for several years, looking particularly at areas important for emotion, mood and temperament. They found that the left side - the happiness centre - was consistently and highly active in Buddhists.

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How I became a Buddhist
- Jigme Kunzang

When I was growing up, I spent a good deal of my time reading about the occult, witchcraft and magic. I always harbored the dream that someday I would be initiated into a coven of Witches. I actually was initiated about ten years ago here in California. For about ten years, I was relatively content with the Craft as my primary spiritual identification. About two or so years ago, this began to change.
Just about four years ago, I became seriously involved with a man who was to become my life partner and spouse. He was, as was I, an initiate of the Craft, but was also a Vajrayana Buddhist, and had studied under both Nyingma and Kagyu masters. I stayed clear of Buddhism, having always thought that it was a negative path that sought to renounce the world and to retreat from worldly pleasures. What I had learned of the meditative techniques of Vajrayana (Tibetan) Buddhism captivated my imagination, but I didn't think this was sufficient reason to embrace that path.
I understood that one of the entryways into the Buddhist path was the taking of refuge declaiming that one renounced worldly happiness and took refuge from the world in the figure of the Buddha, His teachings and specifically the Buddhist congregation. I had felt that as long as this rite was so firmly delimited to a Buddhist scope, I couldn't enter into it with good conscience, since I didn't feel a resignation about worldly concerns (in fact, I was rather optimistic generally) nor did I feel that The Buddha's teachings were alone sufficient for my own spiritual explorations (being interested in magick, etc.).
Meanwhile, my life in the Craft was becoming less satisfying for me. I cannot attribute it to my relationship, since my partner was also in the Craft and we had ample chance to practice our spirituality both together and separately. I guess it was more due to changes within myself than to anything external, even if the constant ego battles, infighting and bickering that goes on in Craft traditional communities was beginning to wear on me. My partner, Michael, was a quiet Buddhist, and wasn't really all that interested in proselytizing, a trait I tend to admire in people of any faith.
Finally, my partner brought up in a conversation an upcoming empowerment (wang) to be held by the lineage holder of the Shangpa Kagyupas, Bokar Rinpoche, together with the Yangsi Kalu Rinpoche (the young reincarnation of the previous Khyab Je Kalu Rinpoche). He asked if I wanted to attend with him. This necessitated that I think through my misgivings about Taking Refuge, a rite that up till that point I had been unwilling to consider, and which would be a prerequisite for receiving empowerment from a Lama.
Buddha, I was beginning to understand, was that potential for enlightened intent and behavior inherent in all of us, that guiding principle that allows us to learn and accumulate wisdom. Dharma was in fact all teachings that helped one to attain some level of spiritual realization. And my Sangha was all of the human community in its striving for peace and harmony. Finally, looking at the broader interpretations of Buddha, Dharma and Sangha in this way, I was able to genuinely take refuge, and participated in the wangkur, on this particular evening to a practice of Vajrakilaya according to the teachings of Sangthik Nyingpo. I was unaware of the changes this event was to bring about in my life.
I began to actively seek out chances to practice, to attend teachings and empowerments, and to meet other practitioners. Some of my former friends have found my increased interest in Buddhist practice less interesting, and no longer remain as close. On the other hand, I have chosen to reduce contact with other acquaintances with whom my friendships were already tenuous. Others of my Craft friends have expressed an openess and curiousity about Buddhism that has been really heartwarming. My body has undergone changes, and I've now stopped drinking alcohol, a task I had been attempting unsuccessfully for the previous ten years. I enjoy practice, and find that it is affecting my entire life -- life is becoming a meditation.
One lesson that frequently comes up in teachings is the idea of faith in the lama and faith in the path. I guess I'm not a very good Buddhist, since so little of my practice is based on faith at all. Rather, I find myself experimenting a lot, while I try to suspend any disbelief or judgement. This gives me the chance to learn about a technique or teaching first, and acquire faith in it only after trying and proving it. Thus far, this has been a most rewarding way of working in the Vajrayana and I believe that it has resulted in much swifter changes in my life than I might have otherwise experienced.
I crave self-control. I often consider myself a weak personality, lazy and essentially powerless to change those things about myself that I detest. The mind training of Buddhism lets me know that my feelings are empty of any inherent existence, and that the real issue is how I *think* about myself. If I believe myself incapable of change, I am incapable of change. If I change my mind, purify it of its negative karma and introduce the idea of capability, then I am on the road to healing myself of my own self-imposed paralysis.
All phenomena arise from a cause, That cause the tatagata has taught. That which stops the cause the tatagata has explained. Do no nonvirtue, Practice virtue thoroughly. Completely tame your own mind. This is the Buddhas teaching. PHAT!
Nowadays, I remain active in a practice of sorcery, of mind-changing, of Vajrayana meditation. I am a much more discerning practitioner, I feel, for having come into contact with the Mahayana, and my subtle body is being trained in a new way of being. In a way, I have found a more authentic "Witchcraft" in my practice of Vajrayana than I ever did before, and I see the two as intricately intertwined, and both informing each other. I feel more whole in my spirituality than I can remember being before, and encourage questioning perhaps more than I did previously. Now as I enter my third year practicing the Vajrayana path, I still may not have any ultimate answers, but I'm much more comfortable asking the questions.
Blessings, Jigme Kunzang (Tom Johnson)

Clarification on what "witchcraft" is:
Witchcraft is a magico-spiritual tradition that survives in many parts of the world, but the type I practice is primarily from northwestern Europe (Britain, Scandinavia, Northwest continent). It is rather like shamanism, so I tend to call it shamanistic, rather than shamanic, which *is* shamanism. Most Witches I know tend to look to pre-Christian imagery for their liturgies, and some also call themselves "pagan," "heathen," or "wiccan." It has always interested me that so much of a pre-Christian spiritual aesthetic has survived throughout Europe, in spite of the all-pervasiveness of the Church. The Witchcraft Traditions seeks to recreate a religio-magico-mystical spiritual practice based on those survivals.
The aim of Witches vary with the Witch, and with the tradition to which they belong. The tradition I follow places a very heavy emphasis on the kind of purification of socially normalized obscurations that Vajrayana also seeks to purify one of. And in that a practice of Vajrayana has been more effective in performing that purification than Witchcraft ever was, I can say that I've found more and better of what I was looking for when I began Dharma practice. For example, in Vajrayana, we have a practice of purification in the meditation on Vajrasattva in which karmic seeds are purified, ripened as it were, and one can use these extraordinary means to purify karma from past lifetimes in this single lifetime. It's difficult sometimes, but helpful in the long run. I have found the same to be true in some of the practices of Witchcraft as well.
Just to clarify some often encountered misconceptions, Witchcraft is *NOT* satanism or evil magic. There are some satanists who call what they do Witchcraft, and there are Witches who *do* perform evil magic, but the *system itself* is not defined that way -- rather, it is a system that is neither good nor bad, and depends entirely upon the practitioner as to its ethical content. I have always tried to temper *my* Craft with Compassion.
Witchcraft uses a type of utterance called a charm or spell, and this is not unlike the mantra of Vajrayana, which is, as Ngagpa Chogyam has said, an "Awareness Spell." Strange phenomena have been attributed to the utterance of charms as well as to mantra recitation. Words are powerful, and the more so when supported by empowerment and lineal transmission.
Witchcraft includes ritual performance, and uses mudra in its ritual, much like the tantric sadhakas, ngakpas, or yogis. It sees the mind in a similar fashion, and has a dual understanding of method/wisdom, just as Vajrayana does. It has an idea of three souls or spirit parts -- Unihipili, Uhane and Aumakua -- just as Vajrayana has the Nirmanakaya, Sambhogakaya and Dharmakaya. It posits a subtle structure of the body as well as a more dense physical manifestation.
The only difference is I think in intent -- Witchcraft does not seek to escape Samsara, the endless cycle of repeating obscurations, whereas this is paramount in the Dharma. In this, the Dharma is more powerful than any other path to me. It helps me live a life devoted to the wellbeing of all those around me, and simultaneously works to free me of my veils and obscurations, making me happier in the long run.
So you see, in spite of the similarities, I still see Dharma as a superior path -- it contains all of the truths of Witchcraft, while its intent and its aim are both vastly superior and informed with compassion and wisdom. I do not doubt that there are those who are solely Witches who are also engaged in the process of meditation, and seeking wisdom and enlightenment, but they are few and far between. In the Dharma, that is one of the foundations.

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How to be with a Dying Person
by Renuka Potter

Although we seldom seek to be with someone who is dying, helping somebody to die well is one of the most generous and courageous acts of love that we can perform. Let me tell you some of the ways I have found to be with people who are dying.
My first experience of death was with my father, who died of a massive heart attack in 1991. For almost a week the hospital staff had sought to resuscitate Dad. I had been there for about 36 hours of this when Mum and I, growing concerned that the resuscitation process was simply increasing his trauma, approached one of the doctors. We discovered that he had been about to approach us to explain that Dad's heart seemed irrevocably damaged by his ordeal and that perhaps it was now time to let him die in peace. We accepted this option gratefully, and the doctor found my Dad a bed in another ward. While nurses came every two hours to turn Dad and give him more morphine, we took over his care, gathering by the side of his bed, talking and even singing.
After about 30 hours of this, my cousin and I were alone with Dad and his breathing was showing obvious signs that he was close to death. I was sitting on the edge of the bed holding his hand and encouraging him to relax and let go. I told him what I felt was likely to be ahead in terms of lights and guides and that there was nothing to fear. Time and again I thought the breath just taken would be his last, but he always started breathing again. I had an image of my Dad as a little boy trying his hardest to do the right thing so as not to attract attention and so I said to him: "you can make as much noise as you like."
His next breath was really big and noisy and I watched as his airways filled with phlegm. I was looking directly into his eyes while sitting on the bed. I felt a flicker of fear from him, but knew that as long as I could keep fear at bay, so could he. So, I drew upon my inner courage and kept my gaze steady and my feeling positive. I saw the light in his eyes slowly become smaller and smaller until it was a tiny dot. Then it disappeared altogether and my Dad was gone - painlessly, without effort and very intimate.
During those last few minutes with my Dad, I felt awe that I was able to be involved so closely in someone's dying moments, even to share these moments in some way. I felt energised by the process, but it also felt like it was an experience I could tell only a few people about - after all, hadn't my suggestion that Dad make more noise lead to his dying then and there? I started feeling guilty and doubted that what I had done was OK, feeling selfish. Some of my friends had done absolutely everything humanly possible to keep their parents alive, and yet I had encouraged my father to let go of life. I had something to think about.
Already a psychologist with 25 years of daily meditation practice, I started to read the little there was available on the subject of dying. I remember what a welcome relief it was to read Sogyal Rinpoche's Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, and I began to think that this was an area in which I'd like to specialise. I read the transpersonal psychology literature - such authors as Stanislav Grof, Ken Wilbur, Marie-Louise Von Franz, Rudolph Steiner - more deeply. To gain hands-on experience, I trained as a volunteer hospice worker and came to know more people who were dying.
Over the years, I have become close to many people in their dying days. It has felt like a wonderful privilege to come into their lives at a time when their perspective on life is changing. Ordinarily we know we are going to die some day, but we always live as though this day will be a very long time in the future. When doctors tell their patients that they will be dying within the next six months or sooner (this is the criterion for inclusion in the program at the hospice I work through), it changes their relationship to their mortality. Often this is very scary. No one likes to think of death waiting for them round the corner, and most people are reluctant to talk about death and our relationship to this journey out of this reality we share.
Talking to people about this taboo subject can be a time of wonderful intimacy. It tends to open up topics of conversation such as values and beliefs, regrets and forgiveness. It often awakens in people a desire to tell the story of their life. All these conversations can be very healing for someone facing death, and often it's easier to talk in these ways to people like me, who are not part of their network of family or friends. People close to the person are often too personally affected by the likely impact of their friend or relative's death to be able to provide the sort of reflective surface a person can benefit most from at this crucial time. Sometimes it's necessary for the dying person to work through feelings that are not very positive before they can see how much someone close to them actually means to them, and it's helpful to work through the ambivalence before talking to that person face to face.
One of the women I came to know was convinced that she was still in love with someone with whom she had an affair years earlier, rather than her husband who was now taking such good care of her. Often a person's deep feelings of unworthiness can make them feel guilty for receiving loving care from someone when they feel they don't deserve it. This woman showed me photos of her earlier lover and told me stories of this time in her life that had been so difficult for all involved. Through talking it over with me, she was able to come to a position from which she could understand and forgive herself. This forgiveness allowed her to open up, accept her husband's loving care, and feel fortunate to be with a man who loved her so. They shared precious final days together in a state of deep appreciation, and they both told me separately how lucky they were to have this time together.
It is usual for a person at the end of their life to be anxious about the dying process. Their anxieties may take the form of fear of death itself, guilt that they have not done enough to prevent their death at this time, shame that people will know about their failure to recover, as well as denial, anger and bargaining (as outlined by Kubler-Ross). These feelings can cause a lot of pain, even though the person may realise they are irrational, especially when someone has been putting a lot of effort on their behalf to stem the course of their disease. Often they can talk about these things, especially if they are not part of a spiritual or religious community to very few people. I worked with one young couple with young children who had been to see every healer they could find in an effort to combat her cancer. It was unsuccessful, however, and their lack of success confused them. They saw it as not having done enough and as divine punishment, a phrase that I see as a contradiction in terms, for the divine is only supportive in my view.
If a person wishes to talk about their fear of death, then I usually tell them about features of the near-death experience, which appear to be so widespread and are very reassuring. I make no claims about correctness, but just mention the features that seem appropriate. Things like having an opportunity to see back over their life (a life review), feeling themselves going down a tunnel and maybe being drawn towards a light. I usually say that a relative who has died before them may meet them and/or they may be met by someone who represents spiritual attainment to them, and that these beings are there to help them. I also tell them that they may find that they are surrounded by love and light.
When I first visit a person who is dying, I always ask what they would like me to do. One way I find very helpful in relating to people who are dying is through gentle massage. No training is necessary for the type of massage I do. Most people would call it gentle stroking or even holding hands. The important ingredient seems to be touch, as many people who are dying have little opportunity to touch others and be touched by them. One man who was quite disfigured by his disease with ugly scarring and hard, alien growths, found that having me gently touch his wounds or press firmly where he felt restricted, helped him come closer to accepting his body as it was. Many people find touch soothing and relaxing, and touching relieves the anxiety that many people feel when told that they have a terminal disease. Many people fall asleep with gentle touch on their hands, feet or head, and I always feel gratified by this response and continue, assuming they are benefiting in unconscious ways. After all, the body works very efficiently when we are able to get out of its way.
I usually offer to take people through the process of deep relaxation, too. If the person wants this, I always go through the same process each time so that people can learn how to do it themselves. I start with the toes, going up the legs into the body, up to the shoulders, to the hands, up the arms to the neck and into the head. A systematic approach helps people learn how to do it themselves, so that if they are lying in bed awake at anytime, they can go through the routine themselves and at least feel they are relaxing and resting efficiently.
When fully relaxed, I guide the person into meditation. This can be any kind of healing meditation, or deep concentration within. I find imagery helps to let a person drop into a deep state, like imagining their awareness starting on the surface of a lake and dropping slowly like a flat stone down to the bottom of the lake. Then the person can be encouraged to take their consciousness to any part of their body that needs healing and spread healing through light or love. Alternatively, I may guide them into an inner space from where they receive guidance as to how to help the healing process. Sometimes the inner space yields presents or loved ones. The important ingredient seems to be that the person feels deeply relaxed, alert and comfortable.
One great being, when asked by a dying person how to prepare, said: "Die a little every day." If the person I'm with is comfortable with this idea, I talk about some of the different ways we have of letting go. We can let go of our good and bad memories of our early life. We can let go memories of people we rarely see. We can let go our memories of places we are unlikely to see again, or unfulfilled desires. This can be done very slowly - just "a little every day". Looking deeper, we can become aware of emotional unfinished business and try to come to terms with it through acknowledgment and expressions of the feelings involved, and allow integration to occur. We can examine any regrets and disappointments and hold these gently in our awareness until we can heal. Holding things in our awareness allows our deeper parts, which know what to do, to work on them.
All this work is deep and the person themselves should only work on a little at a time. They can choose whatever comes up for them at the time. If you are working with them on this, encourage a positive perspective, help them construct a narrative of their life that shows how their experiences have resulted in their growth or expansion. Mental concepts of what is right and wrong, good and bad, as well as the possibility of judgement arise at this time. Allow the person to feel their fear, regret, anger, guilt and shame or whatever, but point out that this idea of judgement is a concept we've been brought up with that may not be true. Great beings tell us that God/consciousness is love and supports whatever we do. We can know more about the effects of what we've done without undergoing direct punishment, without there being a vengeful God.
If the person is very close to death, I tend to simply touch them very softly and gently, speak very little, if at all, and concentrate on generating love in my heart and having it extend out to surround the dying person with love. Love and fearlessness are the most helpful feelings at this important time. When we feel love and concentrate on that feeling (I usually feel love for the beings of light who I'm sure flock to the side of dying ones to guide them through the experience) then we keep fear at bay. I have only once been with a person as they died (my father) but I have been with several people in the last few hours of their life and feel convinced that the practice of love at this time could transform their dying experience from fear to love.
Through being with someone before they die, we can help them reach the unconscious parts of themselves that already know how to die. With an attitude of confidence in them, humility before the mystery that is death, and love for the dying person and their family, we can help instil an atmosphere of strength and dignity into the dying process. We can help people call on the wisdom they have accumulated in their lives and put it to good use through powerful engagement with the great transformation that is death.
Renuka Potter is a Transpersonal Psychologist with a practice in Box Hill and Clifton Hill, Victoria. She is a trained spiritual development counsellor, a spiritual healer and does Body Transformation.

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Buddhist views on marriage

In Buddhism, marriage is regarded as entirely a personal, individual concern and not as a religious duty. Marriage is a social convention, an institution created by man for the well-being and happiness of man, to differentiate human society from animal life and to maintain order and harmony in the process of procreation. Even though the Buddhist texts are silent on the subject of monogamy or polygamy, the Buddhist laity is advised to limit themselves to one wife. The Buddha did not lay rules on married life but gave necessary advice on how to live a happy married life. There are ample inferences in His sermons that it is wise and advisable to be faithful to one wife and not to be sensual and to run after other women. The Buddha realized that one of the main causes of man's downfall is his involvement with other women (Parabhava Sutta). Men must realize the difficulties, the trials and tribulations that he has to undergo just to maintain a wife and a family. These would be magnified many times when faced with calamities. Knowing the frailties of human nature, the Buddha did, in one of His precepts, advise His followers to refrain from committing adultery or sexual misconduct.
The Buddhist views on marriage are very liberal: in Buddhism, marriage is regarded entirely as personal and individual concern, and not as a religious duty. There are no religious laws in Buddhism compelling a person to be married, to remain as a bachelor or to lead a life of total chastity. It is not laid down anywhere that Buddhists must produce children or regulate the number of children that they produce. Buddhism allows each individual the freedom to decide for himself all the issues pertaining to marriage. It might be asked why Buddhist monks do not marry, since there are no laws for or against marriage. The reason is obviously that to be of service to mankind, the monks have chosen a way of life which includes celibacy. Those who renounce the worldly life keep away from married life voluntarily to avoid various worldly commitments in order to maintain peace of mind and to dedicate their lives solely to serve others in the attainment of spiritual emancipation. Although Buddhist monks do not solemnize a marriage ceremony, they do perform religious services in order to bless the couples.
Divorce
Separation or divorce is not prohibited in Buddhism though the necessity would scarcely arise if the Buddha's injunctions were strictly followed. Men and women must have the liberty to separate if they really cannot agree with each other. Separation is preferable to avoid miserable family life for a long period of time. The Buddha further advises old men not to have young wives as the old and young are unlikely to be compatible, which can create undue problems, disharmony and downfall (Parabhava Sutta).
From: 'What Buddhists Believe' by Venerable K. Sri Dhammananda Maha Thera

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Dharma in daily life
Alexander Berzin
Morelia, Mexico, June 6, 2000

Dharma as Preventive Measures
I have been asked to speak about the practice of Dharma in daily life. We need to know what we mean by Dharma. Dharma is a Sanskrit word that literally means "a preventive measure." It is something that we do in order to avoid problems. To have any interest in practicing the Dharma, we need to see that there are problems in life. That actually takes a lot of courage. Many people do not take themselves or their lives seriously. They work very hard all day long and then distract themselves with entertainment and so on in the evenings because they are tired. They don't really look inwardly to the problems in their lives. Even if they do look at their problems, they do not really want to acknowledge that their lives are not satisfactory because it would be too depressing. It takes courage to really check the quality of our lives and to admit honestly when we find it unsatisfactory.
Unsatisfactory Situations and Their Causes
Of course, there are levels of unsatisfactoriness. We could say, "Sometimes I have bad moods and sometimes things go well, but that's okay. That's life." If we are content with that, fine. If we have some hope that we can make things a little bit better, it leads us to look for a way to do so. In order to find methods to improve the quality of our lives we need to identify the source of our problems. Most people look externally for the source of their problems. "I am having difficulty in my relationship with you because of you! You are not acting the way I would like you to act." We may also blame our difficulties on the political or economic situation. According to some schools of psychology, we can look to traumatic events in our childhood as what led us to have the problems that we have. It is very easy to blame our unhappiness on others. Placing the blame on other people or social or economic factors does not really lead to a solution. If we have this conceptual framework, we might be forgiving and it may have some benefit, but most people find that only doing this much has not relieved them of their psychological problems and unhappiness.
Buddhism says that although other people, society, and so on contribute to our problems, they are not really the deepest source of them. To discover the deepest source of our difficulties we need to look within. After all, if we feel unhappy in life, it is a response to our situation. Different people respond to the same situation differently. Even if we just look at ourselves, we find that we respond differently to difficulties from one day to the next. If the source of the problem were just the external situation, we should respond in the same way all the time, but we do not. There are factors that affect how we respond, such as having a good day at work, but these are only superficial contributing factors. They do not go deeply enough.
If we look, we start to see that our attitudes toward life, ourselves, and our situations contribute very much to how we feel. For example, we don't feel sorry for ourselves all the time, like when we are having a good day; but when we are not having a good day, the feeling of self-pity recurs. The basic attitudes that we have toward life very much shape how we experience life. If we examine more deeply, we find that our attitudes are based on confusion.
Confusion as the Source of Problems
If we explore confusion, we see that one aspect of it is confusion about behavioral cause and effect. We are confused about what to do or say and about what will happen as a result. We can be very confused about what type of job to get, whether to get married, whether to have children, etc. If we get into a relationship with a person, what will the result be? We do not know. Our ideas of what will follow from our choices are really just fantasies. We might think that if we get into a deep relationship with a certain person, we will live happily ever after, like in a fairy tale. If we are upset in a situation, we think that yelling will make it better. We have a very confused idea about how the other person is going to respond to what we do. We think that if we yell and speak our minds, we will feel better and everything will be all right, but everything will not be all right. We want to know what will happen. We desperately look at astrology or throw coins for The Book of Changes, the I Ching. Why do we do things like that? We want to be in control of what happens.
Buddhism says that a deeper level of confusion is confusion about how we and others exist and about how the world exists. We are confused about the whole issue of control. We think that it is possible to be totally in control of what happens to us. Because of that, we get frustrated. It is not possible to always be in control. That is not reality. Reality is very complex. Many things influence what happens, not just what we do. It is not that we are totally out of control or manipulated by external forces either. We contribute to what happens, but we are not the sole factor that determines what happens.
Because of our confusion and insecurity, we often act destructively without even knowing that it is destructive behavior. This is because we are under the influence of disturbing emotions, disturbing attitudes, and the compulsive impulses that come up from our habits. Not only do we act destructively toward others; we primarily act in self-destructive ways. In other words, we create more problems for ourselves. If we want fewer problems or liberation from our problems, or even further, the ability to help others to get out of their problems as well, we need to acknowledge the source of our limitations.
Ridding Ourselves of Confusion
Let us say that we can recognize that the source of our problems is confusion. This is not too difficult. Many people reach the point of saying, "I am really confused. I am messed up." Then what? Before we go and spend money on this course or that retreat, we need to consider very seriously whether we really are convinced that it is possible to get rid of our confusion. If we don't think it is possible to get of confusion, what are we trying to do? If we go only with the hope that it may be possible to get rid of our confusion, it is not very stable. It is wishful thinking.
We might think that freedom could come about in several ways. We might think that somebody will save us. It could be a higher, divine figure, such as God, and so we become born-again believers. Alternatively, we may look to a spiritual teacher, a partner, or someone else to save us from our confusion. In such situations, it is easy to become dependent on the other person and to behave immaturely. We are often so desperate to find someone to save us that we are indiscriminate in whom we turn to. We might choose someone who is not free from confusion himself or herself and who, because of his or her own disturbing emotions and attitudes, takes advantage of our naïve dependence. This is not a stable way to proceed. We cannot look to a spiritual teacher or a relationship to clear up all our confusion. We have to clear up our own confusion.
A relationship with a spiritual teacher or with a partner can provide helpful circumstances, but only when the relationship is a healthy one. When it is unhealthy, it just makes it worse. It leads to more confusion. In the beginning, we can be in a deep state of denial, thinking that the teacher is perfect, the partner is perfect, but eventually our naiveté wears off. When we start to see the weaknesses in the other person and that the other person is not going to save us from all our confusion, we crash. We feel betrayed. Our faith and our trust have been betrayed. That is a terrible feeling! It is very important to try to avoid that from the beginning. We need to practice the Dharma, preventive measures. We need to understand what is possible and what is not. What can a spiritual teacher do and what can a spiritual teacher not do? We take preventive measures to avoid crashing.
We need to develop a state of mind that is free of confusion. The opposite of confusion, understanding, will prevent confusion from arising. Our work in the Dharma is to be introspective and attentive to our attitudes, our disturbing emotions, and our impulsive, compulsive, or neurotic behavior. That means being willing to see things in ourselves that are not so nice, things we would rather deny. When we notice things that are causing our problems or are symptoms of our problems, we need to apply opponents to overcome them. All of this is based on study and meditation. We have to learn to identify disturbing emotions and attitudes and where they come from.
Meditation
Meditation means that we practice applying the various opponents in a controlled situation so that we become familiar with how to apply them and can then do so in real life. For example, if we get angry with others when they don't act the way we would like them to, in meditation we think of these situations and try to look at them from a different point of view. The other person is acting in disagreeable ways for many different reasons. He or she is not necessarily acting out of spite because he or she doesn't love us. In meditation, we try to dissolve such attitudes: "My friend doesn't love me anymore because he or she didn't call me."
If we can practice going through this type of situation with a state of mind that is more relaxed, understanding, and patient, then if the person doesn't call us for a week we don't get so upset. When we start to get upset, we remember that this person is probably very busy and it is egocentric to think that we are the most important person in his or her life. This helps us to cool our emotional upset.
Dharma Is a Full-time Occupation
Dharma practice is not a hobby. It is not something that we do as a sport or for relaxation. We do not just go to a Dharma center to be part of a group or to be in a social atmosphere. It may be very nice to go there, but that is not the purpose. Also, we don't go to a Dharma center like a addict getting a fix - a fix of inspiration from a charismatic, entertaining teacher who makes us feel good. If we do, we go home, soon feel blah, and then we need another fix. Dharma is not a drug. Teachers are not drugs. Dharma practice is a full-time job. We are talking about working on our attitudes toward everything in our lives. If we are working on developing love for all sentient beings, for example, we need to apply it in our families. Many people sit in their rooms meditating on love, but cannot get along with their parents or their partners. This is sad.
Avoiding Extremes
In trying to apply the Dharma to our real life situations at home and at work, we need to avoid extremes. One pole of the extreme is putting the whole blame on others. The other extreme is putting the entire blame on ourselves. What happens in life is very complex. Both sides contribute: others contribute; we contribute. We can try to get others to change their behavior and attitudes, but I am sure we all know from personal experience it is not very easy - especially if we come on in a self-righteous, holy way and accuse the other of being a sinner. It is much easier to try to change ourselves. Although we can make suggestions to others, if they are receptive and if they will not become more aggressive because of our suggestions, but the major work is on ourselves.
In working on ourselves, we have to watch for another pair of extremes: being totally preoccupied with our feelings and not being aware of them at all. The first is narcissistic preoccupation. We are only concerned about what we feel. We tend to ignore what others are feeling. We tend to think that what we feel is far more important than what other people are feeling. On the other hand, we may be totally out of touch with our feelings or feel nothing at all, as if our emotions were shot with Novocain. Avoiding these extremes requires a delicate balance. It is not so easy.
If we are always watching ourselves it creates an imagined duality - ourselves and what we are feeling or doing - and so we are not really into relating to someone or being with somebody. The real art is to relate and act in a natural and sincere way, while part of our attention is on our motivation and so on. We need to try to do this, however, without having it be such a fractured way of acting that we are not present with the other person. I should also point out that if we are checking our motivation and feelings during the process of relating to someone, sometimes it is helpful to tell the person. However, it is very narcissistic to feel that we have to tell the person. Often, other people are not interested in what we are feeling. It is very self-important to feel that they want to know. When we notice that we are starting to act selfishly, we can just stop it. We don't have to announce it.
Another set of two extremes is that we are all bad or all good. If we put too much emphasis on our difficulties, our problems, and our disturbing emotions, we could start to feel that we are bad persons. That very easily degenerates into guilt. "I should practice. If I don't, I am a bad person." This is a very neurotic basis for practice.
We also need to avoid the other extreme, which is putting too much emphasis on our positive sides. "We are all perfect. Just see your Buddha-natures. Everything is wonderful." This is very dangerous, because it can imply that we don't need to give up anything, we don't need to stop any negativities because all we need to do is see our Buddha-natures. "I am wonderful. I am perfect. I do not have to stop my negative behavior." We need a balance. If we are feeling too down on ourselves, we need to remind ourselves of our Buddha-natures; if we are feeling a little bit too blasé, we need to emphasize our negative sides.
Taking Responsibility
Basically, we need to take responsibility ourselves: for our development and for getting rid of our problems. Of course, we need help. It is not easy to do this by ourselves. We can get help from spiritual teachers or from our spiritual community, people who are like-minded and who are working on themselves and not blaming each other for their problems. That is why in a partnership, it is important to share the same type of attitude, particularly that of not blaming the other for any problems that arise. If both partners are blaming each other, it does not work at all. If only one partner is working on himself or herself and the other is just blaming, it doesn't work either. If we are already in a relationship in which the other person is accusing, but we are looking into what we might be contributing, it does not mean that we need break off the relationship, but it is more difficult. We have to try to avoid being the martyr in this relationship. "I am enduring all of this! It is difficult!" The whole thing can be very neurotic.
Receiving Inspiration
The form of support that we can get from a spiritual teacher, from a like-minded spiritual community and friends is sometimes called "inspiration." The Buddhist teachings place a lot of emphasis on receiving inspiration from the Triple Gem, from teachers, and so on. The Tibetan word is "jinlab" (byin-rlabs), usually translated as "blessings," which is an inappropriate translation. We need inspiration. We need some sort of strength to go on.
The Dharma path is not an easy one. It is dealing with the ugliness of life. We need stable sources of inspiration. If the source of our inspiration is teachers telling fantastic stories of miracles and all these sorts of things - about themselves or about others in Buddhist history - it will not be a very stable source of inspiration. It certainly can be very exciting, but we have to examine how this is affecting us. In many people, it reinforces a fantasy world in which we are wishing for salvation through miracles. We imagine that some grand magician is going to save us with his or her miracle powers, or that we will suddenly be able to develop these miraculous things ourselves. We have to be very cautious with respect to these fantastic stories. They may inspire our faith and so on, and that can be helpful, but it is not a stable basis of inspiration. We need a stable basis.
A perfect example is that of the Buddha. Buddha did not try to "inspire" people or impress them by telling fantastic stories. He did not put on airs by going around and blessing people and stuff like that. The analogy that Buddha used, repeated throughout the Buddhist teachings, is that a Buddha is like the sun. The sun does not try to warm people. Naturally, from the way the sun is, it spontaneously brings warmth to everyone. Although we may get high from hearing a fantastic story or by being touched on the head with a statue or getting a red string to tie around our necks, it is not stable. A stable source