A life-affirming Buddhism that teaches us to find happiness by opening to the richness of our everyday lives.
That's what we want -- or so we're told by the people who try to sell us a mainstreamlined Buddhism. But is it what we need? And is it Buddhism?
Think back for a moment on the story of the young Prince Siddhartha and his first encounters with aging, illness, death, and a wandering contemplative. It's one of the most accessible chapters in the Buddhist tradition, largely because of the direct, true-to-the-heart quality of the young prince's emotions. He saw aging, illness, and death as an absolute terror, and pinned all his hopes on the contemplative forest life as his only escape. As Asvaghosa, the great Buddhist poet, depicts the story, the young prince had no lack of friends and family members who tried to talk him out of those perceptions, and Asvaghosa was wise enough to show their life-affirming advice in a very appealing light. Still, the prince realized that if he were to give in to their advice, he would be betraying his heart. Only by remaining true to his honest emotions was he able to embark on the path that led away from the ordinary values of his society and toward an unsurpassed Awakening into the Deathless.
This is hardly a life-affirming story in the ordinary sense of the term, but it does affirm something more important than life: the truth of the heart when it aspires to a happiness absolutely pure. The power of this aspiration depends on two emotions, called in Pali samvega and pasada. Very few of us have heard of them, but they're the emotions most basic to the Buddhist tradition. Not only did they inspire the young prince in his quest for Awakening, but even after he became the Buddha he advised his followers to cultivate them on a daily basis. In fact, the way he handled these emotions is so distinctive that it may be one of the most important contributions his teachings have to offer to American culture today.
Samvega was what the young Prince Siddhartha felt on his first exposure to aging, illness, and death. It's a hard word to translate because it covers such a complex range -- at least three clusters of feelings at once: the oppressive sense of shock, dismay, and alienation that come with realizing the futility and meaninglessness of life as it's normally lived; a chastening sense of our own complacency and foolishness in having let ourselves live so blindly; and an anxious sense of urgency in trying to find a way out of the meaningless cycle. This is a cluster of feelings we've all experienced at one time or another in the process of growing up, but I don't know of a single English term that adequately covers all three. It would be useful to have such a term, and maybe that's reason enough for simply adopting the word samvega into our language.
But more than providing a useful term, Buddhism also offers an effective strategy for dealing with the feelings behind it -- feelings that our own culture finds threatening and handles very poorly. Ours, of course, is not the only culture threatened by feelings of samvega. In the Siddhartha story, the father's reaction to the young prince's discovery stands for the way most cultures try to deal with these feelings: He tried to convince the prince that his standards for happiness were impossibly high, at the same time trying to distract him with relationships and every sensual pleasure imaginable. To put it simply, the strategy was to get the prince to lower his aims and to find satisfaction in a happiness that was less than absolute and not especially pure.
If the young prince were living in America today, the father would have other tools for dealing with the prince's dissatisfaction, but the basic strategy would be essentially the same. We can easily imagine him taking the prince to a religious counselor who would teach him to believe that God's creation is basically good and not to focus on any aspects of life that would cast doubt on that belief. Or he might take him to a psychotherapist who would treat feelings of samvega as an inability to accept reality. If talking therapies didn't get results, the therapist would probably prescribe mood-altering drugs to dull the feeling out of the young man's system so that he could become a productive, well-adjusted member of society.
If the father were really up on current trends, he might find a Dharma teacher who would counsel the prince to find happiness in life's little miraculous pleasures -- a cup of tea, a walk in the woods, social activism, easing another person's pain. Never mind that these forms of happiness would still be cut short by aging, illness, and death, he would be told. The present moment is all we have, so we should try to appreciate the bittersweet opportunity of relishing but not holding on to brief joys as they pass.
It's unlikely that the lion-hearted prince we know from the story would take to any of this well-meant advice. He'd see it as propaganda for a life of quiet desperation, asking him to be a traitor to his heart. But if he found no solace from these sources, where in our society would he go? Unlike the India of his time, we don't have any well-established, socially accepted alternatives to being economically productive members of society. Even our contemplative religious orders are prized for their ability to provide bread, honey, and wine for the marketplace. So the prince would probably find no alternative but to join the drifters and dropouts, the radicals and revolutionaries, the subsistence hunters and survivalists consigned to the social fringe.
He'd discover many fine minds and sensitive spirits in these groups, but no accumulated body of proven and profound alternative wisdom to draw on. Someone might give him a book by Thoreau or Muir, but their writings would offer him no satisfactory analysis of aging, illness, and death, and no recommendations for how to go beyond them. And because there's hardly any safety net for people on the fringe, he'd find himself putting an inordinate amount of his energy into issues of basic survival, with little time or energy left over to find his own solution to the problem of samvega. He would end up disappearing, his Buddhahood aborted -- perhaps in the Utah canyon country, perhaps in a Yukon forest -- without trace.
Fortunately for us, however, the prince was born in a society that did provide support and respect for its dropouts. This was what gave him the opportunity to find a solution to the problem of samvega that did justice to the truths of his heart.
The first step in that solution is symbolized in the Siddhartha story by the prince's reaction to the fourth person he saw on his travels outside of the palace: the wandering forest contemplative. The emotion he felt at this point is termed pasada, another complex set of feelings usually translated as "clarity and serene confidence." It's what keeps samvega from turning into despair. In the prince's case, he gained a clear sense of his predicament and of the way out of it, leading to something beyond aging, illness, and death, at the same time feeling confident that the way would work.
As the early Buddhist teachings freely admit, the predicament is that the cycle of birth, aging, and death is meaningless. They don't try to deny this fact and so don't ask us to be dishonest with ourselves or to close our eyes to reality. As one teacher has put it, the Buddhist recognition of the reality of suffering -- so important that suffering is honored as the first noble truth -- is a gift, in that it confirms our most sensitive and direct experience of things, an experience that many other traditions try to deny.
From there, the early teachings ask us to become even more sensitive, to the point where we see that the true cause of suffering is not out there -- in society or some outside being -- but in here, in the craving present in each individual mind. They then confirm that there is an end to suffering, a release from the cycle. And they show the way to that release, through developing noble qualities already latent in the mind to the point where they cast craving aside and open onto Deathlessness. Thus the predicament has a practical solution, a solution within the powers of every human being.
It's also a solution open to critical scrutiny and testing -- an indication of how confident the Buddha was in the solution he found to the problem of samvega. This is one of the aspects of authentic Buddhism that most attracts people who are tired of being told that they should try to deny the insights that inspired their sense of samvega in the first place.
In fact, early Buddhism is not only confident that it can handle feelings of samvega but it's also one of the few religions that actively cultivates them to a radical extent. Its solution to the problems of life demand so much dedicated effort that only strong samvega will keep the practicing Buddhist from slipping back into his or her old ways. Hence the recommendation that all Buddhists, both men and women, lay or ordained, should reflect daily on the facts of aging, illness, separation, and death -- to develop feelings of samvega -- and on the power of one's own actions, to take samvega one step further, to pasada.
For people whose sense of samvega is so strong that they want to abandon any social ties that prevent them from following the path to the end of suffering, Buddhism offers both a long-proven body of wisdom for them to draw from, as well as a safety net: the monastic sangha, an institution that enables them to leave lay society without having to waste time worrying about basic survival. For those who can't leave their social ties, Buddhist teaching offers a way to live in the world without being overcome by the world, following a life of generosity, virtue, and meditation to strengthen the noble qualities of the mind that will lead to the end of suffering.
The symbiotic relationship designed for these two branches of the Buddhist parisa, or community, guarantees that each will benefit from contact with the other. The support of the laity guarantees that the monastics will not need to be overly concerned about food, clothing, and shelter; the gratitude that the monastics inevitably feel for the freely-offered generosity of the laity helps to keep them from turning into misfits and misanthropes. At the same time, contact with the monastics helps the laity foster the proper perspective on life that nurtures the energy of samvega and pasada they need to keep from becoming dulled and numbed by the materialistic propaganda of the mainstream economy.
So the Buddhist attitude toward life cultivates samvega -- a clear acceptance of the meaninglessness of the cycle of birth, aging, and death -- and develops it into pasada: a confident path to the Deathless. That path includes not only time-proven guidance, but also a social institution that nurtures it and keeps it alive. These are all things that our society desperately needs. It's a shame that, in our current efforts at mainstreaming Buddhism, they are aspects of the Buddhist tradition usually ignored. We keep forgetting that one source of Buddhism's strength is its ability to keep one foot out of the mainstream, and that the traditional metaphor for the practice is that it crosses over the stream to the further shore. My hope is that we will begin calling these things to mind and taking them to heart, so that in our drive to find a Buddhism that sells, we don't end up selling ourselves short.

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A Buddhist Nun in High School
by Venerable Thubten Chodron©

The high school students wrote and performed the play themselves. Their teacher had invited me to watch it and to give a talk at the school assembly. The plot goes thus: God is sitting in heaven, reading a newspaper while the angels peacefully play Chinese checkers. Devils sneak in, and mischievously incite the angels to quibble and accuse each other of cheating. Pandemonium breaks out in heaven.
"Stop this!!" shouts God. "I won't have any of this business in heaven! This conflict must be the work of the earthlings.
Angel Peace, go to Earth and see what's going on. Find out why the humans there aren't peaceful."Angel Peace flies to Earth where he organizes a World Peace Conference. The delegates, students from the U.K., Israel, India, Korea, U.S.A., Hong Kong and other countries, tell the woes of their nations - violence, poverty, human suffering.
"There must be something to do about this," exclaims Angel Peace. "Today we have a guest speaker to talk about peace."The teacher nudges me and whispers, "That's your cue." Getting up from my seat in the audience, I go on the stage. "Hello students cum delegates at the World Peace Conference. When I was in my teens, I began to ask questions that perhaps you have too: Why do people fight if everyone wants peace? Why is there racial discrimination?
"We always blame our problems on someone or something external - another person, a group of people, the society, the government, the "system." Other people and external situations may be a circumstance for our problems, but if we look closely, we can see that conflict really originates in the mind. It comes from anger, jealousy, selfishness, greed, pride, closed-mindedness and other disturbing attitudes. Our minds make the world unpeaceful, so if we want peace, we have to change our own attitudes, and dispel negative emotions such as anger, greed and so on. Governments can't legislate peace. It only comes when each of us takes the responsibility to control his or her own mind, making it tolerant and peaceful.
"We can develop patience and respect for others by understanding that on a deep level we are all the same. Everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to have problems. We have to look beyond people's superficial qualities - short, tall, handsome, ugly, black, white, rich, poor, educated, illiterate. When we do this, we recognize that in our hearts, we're all the same in that each of us wants happiness and doesn't want suffering, although different people find happiness in different ways. Thinking like this, we can develop respect for all living beings.
"Each of us feels 'My happiness is more important than anyone else's.' But if we ask ourselves, 'Why?' we can't find a good reason. Slowly, we can come to see that we aren't the most important person in the world, that it is the selfish attitude which propels us to aggressively seek our own happiness at the expense of others' well-being. If we develop the awareness that all beings are equal and therefore everyone's happiness is important, then automatically, we won't be so selfish. We'll see that it's not essential to always get our own way. We can happily give something up to make others happy, because their happiness is important. The happier others are, the less problems they'll cause us. So by cherishing others, our own lives will be free from outwards disturbances. In addition, we'll be happy knowing that others are happy.
"We say that we want peace in the world, in our families, but we often don't want to relinquish having our own way in order to have peace, and instead we blame the other party for the problem. Peace won't come that way. If will only come by genuinely wanting others to be happy and by respecting their points of view.
"This attitude of cherishing others is the root of world peace, and each of us has the ability and the responsibility to develop it within ourselves. This is part of our human potential; this is the beauty of being a human being. We can be wise and compassionate, but we must act to develop these qualities. First, we can try to be aware of what we say and do each day, and ask ourselves, 'Why am I doing this? Is it beneficial for myself and others? Is a kind attitude or a selfish one motivating what I'm saying and doing?' If we observe that our motivations or actions are destructive, then we can correct them."
The students were listening intently. Afterwards, many came to thank me. Several teachers asked me to come back and talk to their classes.
Sometimes I spoke to over a thousand students in a school assembly. But when I visited classrooms of twenty-five to thirty students, the format was question-and-answer. In that way, the students told me what they wanted to know. Many of their questions centered around my lifestyle as a Buddhist nun, and how and why I came to make the decision to be ordained. From my side, no question is too personal, because it's important that young people - and adults too - understand why a person chooses a life style dedicated to self-discovery and to helping others spiritually. Nor is any question stupid, for if a person sincerely wants to know something, that question is meaningful to him or her, and therefore is an important question.
They wanted to know what I do as a nun. What happens every day? Why did I take vows instead of being a lay Buddhist? What did my family and friends say? How have I changed since becoming a nun? Have I ever regretted this decision? What happens if I break a vow? Some teenage girls asked me what I do when I see a handsome man, and one nine-year old innocently asked if nuns got pregnant!
Many questions concerned meditation. What is it? Why do it? How does it help in? In some classes, the students wanted to meditate, so we did a short, simple, breathing meditation. In one school, I led a weekly meditation class. The teachers commented that they never saw their students so quiet.
They wondered who is Buddha? Do I believe in God? One child asked if God ever spoke to me (she was disappointed when I said "No.") They were very interested in rebirth and karma - how our present actions influence our future experiences.
We discussed selfishness and love. Is an action selfish if what a person does looks good on the outside but his motivation is to get something for himself? What if a person's motivation was altruistic but her actions didn't externally appear to be helping others at that very moment? Was my motivation for becoming a nun selfish?
Older students asked about the application of spiritual and ethical principles to politics and social injustice. If anger is to be avoided, what can the blacks in South Africa do to better their situation? What should be done with terrorists? What are the advantages of non-violence? They had to think when I said that sometimes we must act strongly, but with a mind free from anger. Being patient doesn't mean being passive. Also, we have to develop compassion not only for the victims but also for the aggressors.
They were surprised to hear that I appreciate other religions more since I learned the Buddha's teachings. They expected me to say that my religion is the best and everyone should be Buddhist. But I didn't. Instead I told them it is good that many religions exist because people have different inclinations and dispositions. With a plurality of religions in the world, people can find an approach suitable for them. Any teaching that encourages people not to harm others and to help and be kind to others - no matter what religious or philosophical tradition it comes from - is a good teaching and we should follow that advice. I continually stressed the need to respect other religions, and to look at the meaning of a religious teachings, not just to get stuck in the words and think, "I am this and you are that. Therefore, we can't get along." Such an attitude leads to conflict and war.
It is invigorating to discuss things with teenagers because they are direct and honest. They are examining new ideas and at the same time clinging to old ones. But they're open and inquisitive, and I was pleased just by the fact that my talks set them thinking. Inevitably, the bell rang and time was up before the students ran out of questions.
I was also impressed with the administrators and teachers of the English Schools Foundation, because they wanted the students to be exposed to people from various walks of life. They wanted people to talk to the students about world peace. This open-minded attitude in the school system was so refreshing, and of course, the students benefited from it.
How did the parents react to my visits to the schools? I met some parents and they were pleased. "Children learn so much information in school, but they aren't taught how to deal with their emotions or how to get along with others. The schools don't teach our children how to be kind human beings. They teach them how to make business and how to generate nuclear energy, but not how to use these things properly," they said. "Your talks made them think about how their actions influence others."
This raises a crucial question: what is important to learn in school? Personally, I have always felt (and I was a teacher before becoming a nun) that if children learn how to be good human beings and how to be happy and get along with others, they still will learn other subjects and will be happier to do so. Afterall, should we measure success in life by how much we know and how much money we have, or by how happy we are and how well we get along with others?
The nine-year olds wrote letters and drew pictures after my visit. Here are some excerpts:
"Dear Chodron, thank you for coming to talk about Buddhism. When you showed us how to meditate, my legs began to ache. You said that when you started to meditate your legs ached too. I thought you would be used to it because you do it most of the time. I really think you are a nice nun. Thank you very much."
"It was very interesting. It was the first time I ever saw a Buddhist nun. I thought you were the best nun I ever saw. I think it is best not to kill animals."
"The world of Buddhism is fascinating. I learned that if you are selfish and unkind, people will be unkind back to you. So it is best to be kind. I liked your robes. They are very colorful."
"You don't grow your hair or wear make-up because you don't have to look pretty on the outside, but you are nice on the inside."

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Working with Emotions
by Venerable Thubten Chodron©

People worldwide want to know how to work with their emotions - how to prevent being overwhelmed by painful ones and how to enrich the wholesome and loving ones. As a young person, I had no idea how to do this, and it was Buddhism's perspective on this that first attracted me. So I will begin with my journey leading to the Buddha's teachings, continue with the methods the Buddha recommended to work with emotions, and conclude with a few observations about the future of Buddhism.
I came to Buddhism rather unexpectedly, or so it may seem. As a child, I was curious about religion, and as a teenager, my mind teemed with spiritual questions: Why am I alive? What is the purpose of life? What happens after death? Why do people fight and kill each other if they want to live in peace? What does it mean to love others? Growing up in a reform Jewish family in a predominantly Christian suburb in the USA, I asked my teachers and the religious leaders around me. The answers that satisfied them nevertheless left me dry.
Studying history at university, I came to learn that almost every generation, for hundreds of years, wars were fought in Europe in the name of God. Disillusionment with organized religion overcame me, for wasn't religion supposed to make people more peaceful and harmonious? In reaction, as a young person in the sixties, I took part in some of the social protests of the times, as well as turned to the various distractions offered to my generation.
I graduated Phi Beta Khapa from UCLA and after working for a year, traveled in Europe, North Africa, the Middle East, and Asia. I wanted to learn about life through experiencing it instead of reading about it. After a year and a half, I had learned a lot, but still lacked understanding of the meaning of life. Nevertheless, feeling that the purpose of life must have to do with benefiting others, I returned to the USA, taught elementary school in Los Angeles, and graduate studies in Education at USC.
One summer vacation, I saw a flyer about a meditation course taught by two Tibetan monks, Lama Thubten Yeshe and Zopa Rinpoche. One of the first things they said at the course was, "You don't have to believe anything we say. You are intelligent people. Listen to the teachings; think about them logically; test them out in your own life experience. Use the teachings that help you in your life and leave those that don't make sense on the back burner."
"Whew," I thought. "Now I'll listen." If they had said they would tell us the Truth, I would have left. I liked Buddhism's open-minded approach and began to listen and to practice the teachings. As I did, I was surprised to find that what the Buddha taught over twenty-five centuries ago in ancient India applied to my modern American life. I wanted to learn more.
During a retreat after the course, I realized that if I neglected this opportunity to learn the Dharma - the Buddha's teachings - I would regret it at the end of my life, and dying with regret never appealed to me. Thus, instead of resuming my teaching post that autumn, I went to Kopan Monastery, Lama and Rinpoche's monastery outside Kathmandu, Nepal. My parents were hardly thrilled about their daughter once again putting on a backpack to visit a third world country. But for me, the spiritual urge was strong, and I had to follow it.
Once there I attended the teachings that the lamas gave in broken English to the variety of Western travelers passing through Nepal in the mid-seventies. In addition, I reflected on them, practiced them as best I could, and participated in the community life at Kopan. After some months, I decided I wanted to become a nun. Why? I wanted to focus my life on spiritual development and knew that to do this effectively, I needed to direct my energies. Living in vows provided that conducive lifestyle. In addition, as I reflected on the vows, I saw that I really didn't want to do the things they proscribed. Thus the vows were a protection against acting upon my attachment, anger, and ignorance - emotions and attitudes that Buddhism sees as the origin of our suffering and unsatisfactory state. In addition, the vows helped me to clarify my ethical values and to live by them.
I requested Lama Yeshe for permission to ordain. He said yes, but asked me to wait. This waiting period, which lasted nearly a year and a half, was wise, for it helped me become clear about my motivation. I also had to face the questions and challenges posed by my family and friends, which strengthened my motivation. In the spring of 1977, in Dharamsala, India, I was ordained by Kyabje Ling Rinpoche, the senior tutor of His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
Our Mind Is the Source of Happiness and Suffering
What attracted me to Buddhism? I was taken by its ideas perspectives, views, and practices. In particular, the Buddha's teachings on how to work with emotions - how to subdue disturbing emotions and enhance positive ones - provided both a logical framework and practical techniques with which I could work. What, then, is the Buddha's perspective on emotions?
Each of us wants to be happy and to avoid suffering. From a Buddhist viewpoint, our mind - specifically its attitudes, views, and emotions - are the primary factors contributing to our experience of happiness and pain. This view flies in the face of our usual perception of things. For example, most of us instinctively feel that happiness is "out there" in an external person, place, or object. We think, "If I only lived in this house…had this career…married that person…moved to that place…bought this car, I'd be happy." We are taught to be good consumers - not just of possessions, but of people, ideas, spirituality, and everything else as well - in our search for happiness. However, no matter what we have or how much we have, we are perpetually dissatisfied.
Similarly, we feel that our problems have been thrust upon us from outside. "I have difficulties because my parents yelled at me, my boss is inconsistent, my children don't listen to me, the government is corrupt, others are selfish." Thus we devise wonderful advice for others to follow and believe that if they only did what we suggested, not only would our problems cease, but also the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, when we tell other people how they should change so that we can be happy, they don't appreciate our sagious advice and instead tell us to mind our own business!
This innate world view that happiness and suffering come from external sources leads us to believe that if we could only make others and the world be what we wanted them to be, then we would be happy. Thus, we endeavor to rearrange the world and the people in it, gathering towards us those we consider happiness-producing and struggling to be free from those we think cause pain. Although we have tried to do this, no one has succeeded in making the external environment exactly what he or she wants it to be. Even in those occasional situations in which we are able to arrange external people and things to be what we want, they don't remain that way for long. Or, they aren't as good as we thought they would be and we are left feeling disappointed and disillusioned. In effect, the supposed path to happiness through external things and people is doomed from the start because no matter how powerful, wealthy, popular, or respected someone is, he or she is unable to control all external conditions.
This supposed path to happiness is also doomed because even if we could control external factors, we still would not be fulfilled and satisfied. Why? Because the source of true happiness lies in our mind and heart, not in possessions, others' actions, praise, reputation, and so forth. But we must examine this for ourselves, so the Buddha asked us to observe our own experiences to see what causes happiness and what causes misery.
For example, we have all had the experience of waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Nothing in particular happened to cause us to be in a bad mood; we simply feel lousy. But, interestingly, just on those days we feel grumpy, we encounter so many uncooperative and rude people. Just on the day we want to be left alone, so many obnoxious people descend upon us! Suddenly, the way our spouse smiles appears sarcastic, and our colleague's "Good morning" seems manipulative. Even our pet dog no longer seems to love us! When our boss remarks on our work, we take offense. When our friend reminds us to do something, we accuse him of being controlling. When someone turns in front of us on the road, it feels they are deliberately provoking us.
On the other hand, when we are in a good mood, even if our colleague gives us some negative criticism on a project, we can put it in perspective. When our professor asks us to redo a paper, we understand her reasons. When a friend tells us that he was offended by our words, we calmly explain ourselves and clear up the misunderstanding.
That our interpretations of events and responses to them change according to our mood says something important, doesn't it? It indicates that we are not innocent people experiencing an objectively real external world. Rather, our moods, perspectives, and views play a role in our experiences. The environment and the people in it aren't objective entities that exist from their own side as this or that. Instead, together with them, our mind co-creates our experiences. Thus, if we want to be happy and to avoid suffering, we need to subdue our unrealistic and non-beneficial emotions and perspectives and enhance our positive ones.
Working with Emotions
Let's look at some of the methods the Buddha prescribed to transform specific emotions. Reflection on impermanence and the unpleasant aspect of a person or thing counteracts attachment. Cultivating patience and love opposes anger, and wisdom demolishes ignorance. Thinking about a difficult topic or reflecting that all we know and have comes from others eliminates pride. Rejoicing prevents jealousy. Following the breath diminishes doubt. Contemplating our precious human life dispels depression, while meditating on compassion counteracts low self-esteem.
Reflection on Impermanence and Unpleasant Aspects Counteracts Attachment
When our mind is under the influence of attachment, we cling to people, things, or circumstances, thinking that they have the power to bring us happiness. However, since these things are transient - their very nature is to change moment by moment - they are not safe objects to rely on for long term happiness. When we remember that our possessions do not last forever and our money does not go on to the next life with us, then the false expectations we project upon them evaporate, and we are able to cultivate a healthy relationship with them. If we contemplate that we cannot always remain with our friends and relatives, we will appreciate them more while we are together and be more accepting of our eventual separation.
Contemplating the unpleasant aspect of things we are attached to also cuts false expectation and enables us to have a more balanced attitude towards them. For example, when we have a car, we will definitely have car trouble. Therefore, no benefit comes from getting too excited about having a new car, and no great catastrophe has occurred if we can't get a car. If we have a relationship, we will undoubtedly have relationship problems. When we first fall in love, we believe that the other person will be everything we want. This skewed view sets us up for suffering when we realize that he or she isn't. In fact, no one can be everything we want because we are not consistent in what we want! This simple process of being more realistic cuts attachment, enabling us to actually have more enjoyment.
Cultivating Patience and Love Opposes Anger
Having exaggerated certain negative aspects of a person, thing, idea, or place, we become angry and unable to bear it. We want either to harm what we think is causing our unhappiness or to escape from it. Patience is the ability to bear harm or suffering. With it, our mind is calm, and we have the mental clarity to figure out a reasonable solution to the difficulty. One way to cultivate patience is by seeing the disturbing circumstance as an opportunity to grow. In this way, instead of focusing on what we don't like, we look inside and develop our resources and talents to be able to deal with it.
Seeing the situation from the others' perspective also facilitates patience. We ask ourselves, "What are this person's needs and concerns? How does she see the situation?" In addition, we can ask ourselves what our buttons are. Instead of blaming the other person for pushing our buttons, we can work to free ourselves from those buttons and sensitive points so that they cannot be pushed again.
Cultivating love - the wish for sentient beings, including ourselves, to have happiness and its causes - prevents as well as counteracts anger. We may wonder, "Why should we wish those who have harmed us to be happy? Shouldn't they be punished for their wrongdoing?" People harm others because they are unhappy. If they were happy, they would not be doing whatever it is that we found objectionable, because people don't hurt others when they are content. Instead of seeking punishment or retaliation for harms done to us, let's wish others to be happy and thus free from whatever internal or external conditions precipitate their negative actions.
We cannot tell ourselves we must love someone; rather we must actively cultivate this emotion. For example, sitting quietly, we begin by thinking and then feeling, "May I be well and happy." We spread this thought and feeling to dear ones, then to strangers, and to people we find disagreeable, threatening, or disgusting, and say again and again to ourselves "May they be well and happy." Finally, we open our heart and wish happiness and its causes to all living beings everywhere.
Thinking about Complex Topics and Recognizing Our Indebtedness to Others Eliminates Pride.
When we are proud, we cannot learn or develop new good qualities because we falsely believe we have attained all there is. When a Buddhist student becomes arrogant about his scholarship or practice, his teacher often instructs him to meditate on the twelve sources and eighteen elements. "What are those?" people ask. That's the point - just hearing the names, let alone understanding their meaning, makes us realize we have a lot to learn and thus dispels arrogance.
When we are proud, we have a strong feeling of self, as if whatever qualities we are proud about are inherently ours. Reflecting that everything we know and have has come from others quickly dispels this arrogance. Any abilities due to genetics came from our ancestors; our knowledge came from our teachers. Even our artistic, musical, or athletic abilities would not have surfaced had it not been due to the kindness of parents and teachers who encouraged and taught us. Our socio-economic status is due to others who gave us money. Even if they gave it to us in the form of a paycheck, it was not ours to begin with. Our education came from others. Even our ability to tie our shoes came from those who taught us. Looking at our lives in this way, we are indebted to others' kindness. We have much to be grateful for and nothing to be arrogant about.
Rejoicing Dispels Jealousy
The jealous mind cannot endure the happiness of others and wishes that happiness for ourselves. Although we want to be happy, jealousy itself is a painful emotion, and we are miserable when we are under its influence. Rejoicing, on the other hand, celebrates goodness. We always say, "May everyone be happy," so when someone is, we might as well rejoice in it, especially if we didn't even have to make any effort to bring it about.
We may start by rejoicing in the happiness we already have, enabling us to realize that we are not completely bereft of joy even though we may not have what we want at the time. Then we focus on others' goodness and happiness and rejoice in them. While this initially may seem uncomfortable due to the force of the jealousy, if we persist in recounting the goodness and happiness of others, our mind will, in time, become joyful. "Isn't it wonderful that Susan excels in sports? How great that Peter was promoted and that Karen got a new car! Bill and Barbara have a caring relationship; I'm happy for them. Jane's meditations are going well, and Sam has a lot of contact with his spiritual mentor. That's great."
Thinking positive thoughts in this way automatically makes our mind happy. It shifts our perspective from focusing on what we don't have to the richness in the world.
Following the Breath Diminishes Doubt and Anxiety
When our mind is turbulent, spinning in doubt or anxiously imagining worse case scenarios, the Buddha recommended that we focus our attention on the breath. Sitting comfortably, we breath normally and naturally. We place our attention either at the nostrils, feeling the touch of the breath on our upper lip and in the nostrils as it passes in and out, or at the belly, being aware of the rise and fall of our abdomen as we inhale and exhale. Should our attention shift to the doubts and anxious thoughts, we recognize this and then patiently but firmly bring our focus back to the breath. By doing this continuously, the runaway thoughts begin to calm down, and the mind becomes clear and calm.
Contemplating Our Precious Human Life Dispels Depression
Often we take our opportunities and fortune for granted and focus on what we lack instead. This is tantamount to ignoring all the delicious food in a large buffet and complaining, "There is no spaghetti." Instead of becoming depressed because we are ill, we can remember that we are also fortunate to have others who help us when we don't feel well. Even if they don't help us as much as we would like, they still are there for us, and we would be hard put if they weren't. Something is always going well in our lives, and it's important to remember those things that are.
In addition, we have human intelligence and the opportunity to encounter a spiritual path. This opportunity in itself is cause for great rejoicing. No matter if we are sick, lonely, imprisoned, or going through hard times financially, we still can take refuge in the Three Jewels - the Buddhas, Dharma, and Sangha. We can practice our spiritual tradition no matter where we are, who we're with, or what the state of our physical body, for genuine spiritual practice does not depend on certain external implements or actions but involves redirecting our mind towards constructive emotions and realistic attitudes. Thus for as long as we are alive, we can be happy about what is going right in our lives and at the opportunities we have for spiritual practice. Even when it comes time to die, we can rejoice at a life well-spent and dedicate all the goodness we created for the benefit of all sentient beings.
Meditating on Compassion and on Our Buddha Nature Counteracts Guilt and Low Self-esteem
When we suffer from guilt and low self-esteem, we put all attention on ourselves. There is little space in our mind for thoughts of others, and everything related to ourselves is overblown. Guilt is an inverted feeling of self-importance: "I'm the worst one in the world, unforgivable," or "I'm so powerful that I can make all these things go wrong." This is totally unrealistic!
Compassion is the wish for sentient beings, including ourselves, to be free of suffering and its causes. Meditating on it works in two ways. First, we think, "I am a sentient being, worthy of happiness and freedom from pain, just like everyone else. I have the Buddha nature - the underlying purity of mind - just as all living beings do. Therefore, I can wish myself to be happy and to be free of suffering, and I know that these are achievable goals because the basic nature of my mind and heart are pure. The clouds that cover them can be dispelled." Thinking in this way helps overcome depression.
In addition, spreading our love and compassion out to others alleviates the pain of the self-preoccupation lying behind guilt and low self-esteem. By taking the focus off of ourselves, compassion enables us to realize that everyone is in the same position. Thinking of others and reaching out to them pulls us out of the isolation of guilt and low self-esteem.
Wisdom Demolishes Ignorance
From a Buddhist perspective the ignorance misapprehending the nature of reality is the root of all other disturbing attitudes and negative emotions. To dispel it, we cultivate wisdom, which is of three types: the wisdoms of learning, thinking, and meditating. First we must learn from qualified teachers, either by listening to talks or reading books. Then we think about what we have learned, examining it thoroughly to test it logically and to make sure we have understood it properly. Finally, we integrate the meanings of the teachings into our lives through meditation and continuous practice.
For example, we listen to teachings on profound reality, the emptiness of inherent existence. We read about and study these concepts, and then discuss them with our friends as well as think about them ourselves. When our understanding is correct and refined, we then familiarize ourselves with emptiness in meditation, first by investigating the nature of reality and then by focusing single-pointedly on it. When we arise from meditation, we try to hold this newfound meaning in mind as we go about our daily life's activities, so that this wisdom will be integrated into our mind and life.
Since all the other disturbing attitudes and negative emotions are rooted in the ignorance misapprehending reality, developing this wisdom is a general antidote to all of these. However, since cultivating the correct view is difficult, takes time, and requires effort, we practice the antidotes explained above, which are unique to each particular emotion. By pacifying these emotions even a little, our mind becomes clearer and more tranquil, which makes the development of wisdom easier. For this reason, we learn not only the specific methods to counteract each disturbing attitude, but also wisdom as the antidote to all of them.
Our Responsibility
Subduing and transforming our mind is a process we alone must do. While we can pay someone to clean our house or fix our car, hiring someone to get rid of our negative emotions doesn't work. I can't ask you to sleep late so that I'll feel refreshed or to eat so my hunger will go away. Just as we must sleep and eat ourselves to experience their benefits, we must practice ourselves in order to let go of our harmful emotions and to nourish our constructive ones.
The Buddha's teachings explain many techniques for subduing our disturbing emotions and for cultivating positive ones. Just learning these techniques does not transform us. Reading a book with instructions on how to type does not give us the ability to sit down at a computer and type perfectly. We need to practice and train ourselves. In the same way, we must reflect on the techniques taught by the Buddha and then practice them consistently over a long period of time. The Tibetan word for meditation, gom, has the same root as the word meaning "to familiarize." Familiarization takes place with effort and over time. Similarly, we say we "practice the Dharma," meaning we train ourselves in certain attitudes and emotions over and over again. In short, there is no shortcut for transforming our mind.
However, since the disturbing attitudes and negative emotions are not the very nature of our mind and because they are based on misconceptions, they can be eliminated through cultivating realistic views and constructive emotions. Our mind and heart are a stable base for this transformation, and if we cultivate wisdom and compassion over time, they will increase infinitely. It is our responsibility, for our own as well as for others' happiness, that we engage in the practice to do so.
Future Prospects for Buddhism
Over a period of many centuries Buddhism spread throughout Asia. Now, with modern transportation and communication facilities, it is quickly coming to Western nations. Nevertheless, it faces many challenges both in Asia and in the West.
In Asia, Buddhism is widely accepted, but not widely practiced among its adherents. In some places people have neglected to learn the meaning of the ceremonies and rituals. In others the religious hierarchy could be re-invigorated by broadening educational opportunities for nuns and laypeople. Buddhist institutions need to be more engaged in helping society.
In the West, Buddhism risks becoming another consumer good, tailored in order to suit the tastes of the public. The Buddha's teachings have always been a challenge to society and to our egos. We must be careful not to dilute their essential power in the name of spreading them to more people. In addition, we must abandon our hidden wishes for an "instant fix" and be prepared and happy to practice for a long time. His Holiness the Dalai Lama says that one of the biggest hindrances for Westerners is the expectation to gain realizations quickly and easily. This attitude makes some people give up practice when their fanciful ideas are not actualized.
While Buddhism has much to offer in Asia and the rest of the world, the extent to which it is able to do so depends on the quality of its practitioners and teachers. Thus we must try to improve our own learning and practice as well as support others who are doing so. As individuals and as Buddhist institutions, we must take personal responsibility, create and maintain harmony, and look out for the common good.

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The Four Thoughts that Turn the Mind to the Dharma
Alexander Berzin
Morelia, Mexico, May 30, 2000

Preliminaries
I like to begin classes with a set of preliminaries. These are various methods to help us quiet down and get into an appropriate state of mind for meditating or listening to teachings. In order to be able to get into something fully we need to enter into it slowly and appropriately. That is purpose of preliminaries.
There are many different ways to get into a state of mind conducive for meditating or for listening. I usually follow just one of many possibilities. This method starts with counting the breath. When we are very distracted emotionally or mentally, from our work, from traveling here or whatever, it is very important to first quiet down into a neutral state. This helps us to relax. The way that we do this is to breathe normally through the nose, which means not to quickly, not to slowly, not to deeply and not to shallowly. The cycle is to first breathe out, then allow a slight pause and because we have made a slight pause, we naturally breathe in more deeply. That is a much more relaxed way of breathing deeply than consciously taking a deep breath. As we breathe back in, we count it as one in our minds. Then, without holding the breath we breathe out. We repeat this cycle eleven times and then repeat the count of eleven two or three times, depending on our speed. The numbers don't really matter. We can count up to any number. We do not need to get superstitious about it. The point is to occupy the verbal energy of our mind with something so that we are not thinking something else while focusing on the breath. Let us do that please.
Once we have quieted down, we try to get our energies, our mind and emotions, going in a positive way. We do this by affirming our motivation. Why we are here? What do we want to gain or to accomplish by being here, or by meditating? We are here to learn more methods to apply to ourselves personally to help us in our lives. We are not just coming for entertainment or amusement or for intellectual knowledge. We are here to learn something practical. It is the same thing when meditating. It is not just for relaxation or a hobby or sport. We meditate to try to help ourselves to develop beneficial habits for use in our lives. We don't do it to please our teacher. We are doing it because we are convinced that it is beneficial. We want to listen to something practical because we would like to be able to deal with difficulties in our lives more skillfully, and not just make our lives a little bit better, but eventually go all the way and get free of all the difficulties we have. We would like to learn methods that will help us to become Buddhas so that we can really be of best help to everyone.
When we reaffirm our motivation, not only do we look at what we are doing here at a teaching, but it is important also to look at the final aim. Although we may aim for liberation and enlightenment it is not going to happen overnight and miracles normally do not happen. Dharma is not magic. We are not going to learn magic means that will suddenly free us from all our suffering. It is not that we learn some methods and day-by-day it is going to get better and better. We need to be realistic. Realistically speaking, as we know from our own life experience, the moods and events in our lives go up and down, and they will continue to go up and down. We can hope that things will get better in the long run; but from day to day, we are going to have difficult moments. It is not that all of a sudden we will never get upset again. If we approach learning Dharma methods and in practicing them in meditation and in daily life in a realistic, down to earth way, we will not get discouraged. Even when really difficult things come up in life and even if we still get upset we are not thrown off course. This is our motivation. This is our aim. This is our understanding of what we can gain from coming to teachings and meditating and practicing.
It is important to remind ourselves of this by reviewing and thinking about it. Let's say we are very upset before a meditation session. Instead of taking refuge in food, friends, sex, television or beer we take refuge in the Dharma and meditate to help us get over being upset. Even in that situation we need to be very careful not to expect that it will be like taking a shot of heroin, as if we could sit and meditate and feel high and joyous and all of our problems would be gone. If that does happen, be suspicious. If we do the meditation properly, sure we may feel better. But it might not make us feel a hundred percent better. Unless we are super-advanced, the unpleasant mood will likely come back. As I often repeat, "What do you expect from samsara?"
When we reaffirm our motivation we say, "Okay, I am going to do this because it will help me. I will try to apply these things properly to help me get free from this difficulty that I experience and to eventually be of help to others." Whether we feel better a half hour from now or not is not the point. That is not our main focus. We are going in a certain direction in life and this is what we are doing to go further in that direction. The direction is refuge. Each time we listen to teachings or meditate, we take another step in that direction. We keep going, despite the ups and downs. That is realistic. Let us reaffirm that for a moment.
Then we make the conscious decision to meditate with concentration. This means that if our attention wanders we will bring it back, if we get sleepy we will try to wake ourselves up. To help our minds to be clearer we sit up straight and to help our minds be clearer we can use the visualization of a camera coming into focus.
Then there is a fine adjustment that we can make. First, we try to lift the energies in our body if we are feeling a bit heavy and our energies are too low. For this, we focus on the point between our eyebrows with our heads looking upwards but our heads staying level.
Then to ground our energies if they are running a bit wild in our bodies and we are bit stressed, we focus on the navel with our eyes looking downwards but our heads staying level. We breathe in normally and hold our breath until we need to breathe out.
Introduction
This evening I have been asked to speak about another aspect of preliminaries, namely the four thoughts that turn the mind to the Dharma. Specifically, the four thoughts are:
1. thinking about appreciating the precious human life,
2. thinking about death and impermanence, that the opportunities that we have now with this precious opportunity are not going to last,
3. thinking about the laws of karma and cause and effect, in other words how our behavior affects what we experience,
4. thinking about the disadvantages of samsara, of uncontrollably recurring rebirth.
If we appreciate the opportunities that we have now with this precious human life and if we recognize and acknowledge the fact that this life is not going to last and that we are going to die sometime, if we recognize that our behavior is going to shape our experience in this life and also after we die in future lives, and if we realize that no matter what we experience in the future, because it will arise from behaving from confusion, will have be a lot of difficulties and troubles then we will turn our minds to the Dharma.
The Safe Direction of Refuge
What does it mean to turn our minds to the Dharma? It basically means taking refuge. It is quite clear that taking refuge is not something that you do after walking into a Dharma center for the first time. It is not to join a social club or a Dharma center. Taking refuge is something quite advanced and requires an appropriate state of mind. I find that the term "taking refuge" is inadequate and gives a misleading impression. In our languages, it implies something passive -- that we go a more powerful person or being and say save me, protect me and we are protected. Then we don't have to do so much from our side. This is not what Buddhism is talking about. Rather, what we are talking about is putting an active, safe, positive direction in our life. That is why I call it taking safe direction. We need to have these four attitudes or understandings before we can put this direction in our life with sincere conviction. This implies that we need to have some idea of what this direction is.
What is this direction? It is Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, the Three Jewels. What in the world does that mean? We often look at this in a very elementary way. We think of the Dharma as the teachings, the Buddha as the one who actually gave these teachings both verbally and in terms of his own realizations, and the Sangha refers to something like the congregation of a Buddhist church or Dharma center. That is not what Sangha means. We are talking about very advanced practitioners who already have straightforward perception of reality and are already well on the way to becoming liberated or enlightened. Even if we say, "I am going in the direction of the Dharma teachings as the Buddha taught them and as great practitioners are realizing them," this type of elementary understanding of the Three Jewels is not a very stable basis for putting this direction in our life.
What is the basis for being convinced that this is a positive direction? We need a slightly more sophisticated understanding of the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. The more sophisticated our understanding, the firmer our direction will be. This means that this whole topic of refuge is not something that we ought to trivialize. "I did that in the beginning when I first came to the center and now I have a red string to wear around my neck." It is a topic that we need to work on and deepen as we go further along the path. The deeper this direction in our lives is, the more stable we are on the spiritual path.
The actual direction is indicated by the Dharma Jewel, which must be understood within the context of the four noble truths. These are the four facts that any person who sees reality -- a highly realized being -- would see as true. They are called "noble" because that is how some people translate the Sanskrit word arya. When we see reality directly, we see these four facts. The first fact is the difficulties in life -- what are they really? Then we see the real causes of these difficulties. Then we see the stopping of the difficulties in life and their causes. Then we see that there is a pathway of mind, in other words a way of understanding, that will bring about that understanding of reality by removing the main cause of the problems: confusion. When we get rid of the cause of our problems, confusion, we get rid of the problems.
True direction is indicated by the third and fourth noble truths. That is the actual Dharma refuge. Without leaving it as jargon, what we are actually aiming at is this state in which all problems and their causes are removed in such a way that they never come back again, as well as the state of mind that not only brings that about but that results from this. When all difficulties and shortcomings are removed, we have a state of mind in which we are able to use all of our abilities.
What is our Dharma direction? It is the state of liberation and the state of enlightenment. Liberation is a state in which all of our suffering and its causes are finished. Enlightenment is a state in which we are able to help others as much as is possible and where the things that prevent us from being able to do that are removed forever. Buddhas are those who have achieved both of these fully and who have shown us how to do it. They have shown us how to do it in terms of their realizations as well as by giving step-by-step instructions. The Sangha are those who have achieved at least some liberation from some of the problems and their causes and are working further, so they are already incredibly advanced.
The Gateway to the Dharma
In order to be able to turn our minds and energies toward liberation and enlightenment, we have to know two things. We have to know what liberation and enlightenment actually mean. They are not just nice words. And, secondly, we need conviction that it really is possible to achieve these. If we are not convinced that it is possible to gain liberation and enlightenment, why would we want to work toward achieving them? How do we gain this conviction? What are the steps that will lead us toward this?
One great Sakya master, Sonam-tsemo, wrote a very helpful text called The Gateway to the Dharma. He addressed this very question. He said we need three things. First, we need to recognize and acknowledge the suffering and difficulties in our lives. In other words, we have to really look at ourselves honestly and evaluate what is going on in our lives. The second is having a very sincere wish to get out of this suffering, not just to "make the best of it," but really wanting to get out of this. The third thing is some knowledge of the Dharma so that we have some conviction that the Dharma is going to show us a way out. That conviction is not just based on the nice words of some charismatic person. We have to have some actual knowledge and understanding of the Dharma and of how it leads us out of suffering.
What is the way out? It is gaining liberation and gaining enlightenment. The Dharma shows us how to do this based on the first noble truth, that of suffering. That is what Sonam-tsemo said we have to start with, recognizing the problems. And there is a cause for those problems. They are coming from somewhere. To achieve an elimination of the cause of our problems, the third noble truth, we have to have a path of understanding; and that is the fourth noble truth, which gets rid of confusion.
It is not at all easy to gain conviction that it is possible to remove the causes of our difficulties. We need to persevere and work on it. We must try to understand what this is talking about. We can start to work with this in a logical way. We experience life now with confusion. For example, we imagine that we are the most important person in the world and the center of the universe. Based on that, we always feel we have to have our way and we become very greedy and pushy. We are the most important one, so everybody has to pay attention to us and love us. If people don't pay attention to us and don't love us, then we get very angry.
We may be loveable but that does not mean that the whole world needs to recognize it! With confusion, we think everyone should recognize it. Or we go the other way and think that if people don't love us or pay attention to us something must be wrong with us and we are no good and then we have low self-esteem. In either case, we suffer. We have mental anguish and it is all coming from the confusion that we are the center of the universe and everything should go the way that we want it to.
Buddha said that it is possible to get rid of all of the misery that we experience by getting rid of this attitude of confusion that causes it. What will get rid of the confusion? Understanding. If we understand how we and everyone in the world exists, we won't be confused about it. We cannot have both confusion and understanding in one moment of mind. Understanding is the exact opponent to confusion. Since we cannot have both at the same time, which is going to win? If we examine confusion, the more closely we examine, we see that it really does not stand up to analysis. Am I really the center of the universe? Well, no, because everyone else thinks that they are the center of the universe. On the other hand, if we examine understanding, it does hold up. No one is the center of the universe. What that means is that no one is more important than everyone else. Nobody is the center of everyone else's attention and loved by all. The more we examine this, the more we see that it makes sense. It is not only true based on logic, but also from experience and from seeing how life works.
Because understanding can be verified and confusion falls apart when we examine it, not only can understanding replace confusion temporarily, but it can get rid of it forever. When we understand that there is no center of the universe, we know that not everyone will pay attention to us and love us. Not everyone loved and paid attention to Buddha, so why to us? The result of this analysis is that we don't get upset. It doesn't matter if people don't pay attention to us. What do we expect from samsara? Because we are not upset, we are able to deal with each person in a way that is warm, loving, understanding and so on, without being worried about whether they will listen to us or like us. We try our best. In this way, we work on an initial level to become more convinced that liberation and enlightenment actually are possible. Then we are not crazy for working in the direction of achieving liberation and enlightenment.
The Four Thoughts in Reverse Sequence
The four thoughts that turn our mind to the Dharma show us on a slightly deeper level that this is possible. We have discussed how it is possible to gain conviction in the possibility of liberation and enlightenment in terms of the three basic thoughts needed to enter the Dharma: suffering, wanting to get out of suffering, and having the conviction that it is possible to get out of suffering. The four thoughts that turn our mind to the Dharma actually turn our minds toward these three thoughts, specifically to the first of these three steps, recognizing and acknowledge the difficulties and sufferings in life. The last of the four thoughts is of the unsatisfactoriness of samsara, which is the actual acknowledgement of difficulties and problems in life. We need to work backwards in order to appreciate the order and necessity of each step.
What are the difficulties and problems that we face? Buddha gave many lists, but the more concise one is a list of three. We can call them the three types of problems. The first is gross suffering: pain and unhappiness. It includes physical pain as well as mental pain. Most people can recognize this without much difficulty. Nobody likes to be unhappy, so most people would like to get out of it.
The second problem is the problem of change. This refers to our usual ordinary experiences of happiness, which are tainted with confusion. They change; they do not last. For instance, we eat and feel the happiness of our stomach being full but it does not last and we get hungry again. What is the problem? The problem is not that the happiness does not last. That is just the nature of this type of happiness. Having the most profound, direct understanding of voidness is not going to change the fact that this type of happiness is impermanent. Nothing is going to change that. We can get less upset by the fact that it changes, but that is not the point here. The real problem with this type of happiness is the uncertainty factor: when it ends, we do not know what will follow. We are with our friends, having a good time. The good time ends and we don't know if we are going to feel happy, tired, unhappy or what. That is the real problem here. Just going after this temporary happiness will not help us, even though we feel okay for a while. Not only does it not eliminate all our problems, but we are left in a state of real insecurity, not knowing what will come next.
The third type of true problem is the all-encompassing problem. This is that just the type of body and mind and emotions that we have will perpetuate all the other problems. They are self-perpetuating. We have this type of body. We have to feed it and take care of it all the time. And when we eat, the happiness does not last and we have to eat again and again. How boring. We go into one difficult relationship with someone and do not learn and get hurt and go into another and another. The confusion just goes on and on. This person did not turn out to be Prince or Princess Charming and so we look for another and another. The feelings of insecurity keep coming up. This is the real problem; it just keeps on recurring. Understanding these three sufferings is the fourth thought, the disadvantages of suffering. It is also the first noble truth, that of problems.
What is the basis for this understanding of the disadvantages of samsara? The third thought, the understanding of karma and cause and effect. This is the cause of the suffering of samsara. This is noble truth number two. Why do we experience the first type of true problem, gross suffering? From acting in destructive ways. We act destructively because of confusion. We don't understand the results of our actions or we think that our actions have no results.
The second type of problem is that of change and uncertainty. To understand the reason why we experience that, we need to understand karma. If we understand karma, we understand that what we experience is very complex. We have been doing so many things, both constructive and destructive mixed with confusion, without any beginning. We could think we are the center of the universe and be nice to everyone or mean to everyone. We have built up millions and millions of both positive and negative karmic potentials. So, we experience happiness for a moment. It comes from a positive potential. Then it is finished. Now what? There are countless karmic possibilities waiting to ripen. What ripens next? It is not simple. It depends on many different factors: our attitude, the circumstance, what other people do, our health and so on. No wonder there is no certainty, and no wonder that our experience in samsara goes up and down. The twelve links of dependent arising describes how karma and confusion perpetuate samsara. When we understand karma deeply, then we understand how the whole mechanism of karma goes up and down, perpetuating itself, which is the all-encompassing problem.
The third thought that turns our mind to the Dharma gets us into the state of mind of understanding why there is this uncertainty. What will turn our minds to thinking that way? Awareness of death and impermanence. Our lifespan is uncertain. This is the second thought that turns our mind to the Dharma. If we take death and impermanence seriously, realizing that situations do not last on a gross level, then we can start to appreciate the teachings on karma, which show us the uncertainty of what happens from moment to moment.
What is going to bring us to think about death? Appreciating the life and opportunities that we have now: this precious human life. So, thinking about the precious human life that we have now is the first thought that turns our mind to the Dharma.
Summary
By working backwards in this way, we can see how each attitude arises from the previous one. One can explain it going from one to four in a logical sequence. But, since most of you have studied this already, I wanted to present it in reverse order to show how each thought depends on the previous one. In forward order, we think of our precious human life, that it is not going to last forever and that what happens after death, in future lives, depends on karma. Even if we are born in a favorable situation, there will be many problems. Realizing this, we want to get out of suffering. For that, we need conviction that the Dharma actually does teach the way out and that it is actually possible to achieve liberation from problems and enlightenment. That leads us to take safe direction and to develop bodhichitta, with which we dedicate ourselves completely to achieving enlightenment to be able to benefit everyone.
In reverse, as we have seen, in order to put safe direction and bodhichitta in our lives, we need conviction that it is possible to get rid of suffering and its causes. For that, we need to understand the nature of confusion and how understanding gets rid of confusion. For that, we need to recognize the difficulties in our life, the difficulties of samsara: the recurrence of problems and uncertainty. That uncertainty is because of karma. To start thinking in terms of uncertainty, we need first to think about it on the gross level of death. We would not worry about death, if we didn't think about the life that we have now with its opportunities and did not want to lose it.
Whether we look at these four thoughts in a progressive or a reverse sequence, they are very essential for helping us to become stable on the path so that we can be of more help to ourselves and more help to others.
Questions and Answers
Question: How does uncertainty fit into mundane concerns and thinking that if I could only have this or that, I would be happy?
Answer: It depends on what we think will bring us happiness. If we think, "If I could only gain enlightenment, I would be happy" it is different from thinking, "If I could only have the perfect partner, I would be happy forever and never have any suffering." If we are looking for the total removal of suffering, such that it never returns again, from chocolate, a partner, sex or whatever, then we are always going to be frustrated. However, if we acknowledge the ordinary type of happiness for what it is, then we can aim for it as a provisional goal. If we have a certain level of happiness, we can use it as a circumstance to go further on the path. That is why the initial scope of the lamrim graded path is aiming for a fortunate rebirth. We need general worldly happiness as a circumstance for working toward liberation and enlightenment. It all depends on recognizing our usual type of happiness for what it is and not inflating it. We need to have our feet on the ground.
Conclusion
It is quite helpful to work with these four thoughts. They are called preliminaries in the sense that they get us into an appropriate state of mind to be on the path very firmly, just as the preliminaries before class get us into an appropriate state of mind to listen to teachings. What does it mean to get onto the path of Dharma? We can talk about it in technical terms, but let's not talk about it on that level. To be on the path means to really be convinced in what we are doing and to have our hearts in it fully. Otherwise, we are not very stable. We may do it a little while as a hobby or because other people are doing it, but we are not really into it.
To be really into it requires a change of attitude. It requires a certain way of looking at life. It requires really seeing our life situation and acknowledging that there are problems and difficulties. It is important to appreciate our precious human life and to know that it is not going to last forever. Our life has problems and these problems come about basically because of confusion and karma. Even though we experience happiness in our lives, it is not really satisfying because it does not last and we cannot guarantee that we will stay in a good mood. It is not good enough to just be happy some of the time.
We may know that we get into dysfunctional relationships, but because they are exciting and fun in the beginning, we get into another one knowing that we or the other person will mess it up. And then we get into another and another. Eventually, we get tired of that and say, "I really want to stop this!" We become convinced that it is possible to stop it. Based on that conviction, we can realistically work toward stopping it.
While on the way, we need to try to gain temporary happiness, because it will make it easier to go on the path. But our experience will go up and down. Instead of constantly going out to find Prince and Princess Charming, we can get in some sort of relationship that is not going to be perfect -- it is never going to be perfect on this level -- and we can use that as the basis for working further. It is the same thing with money. If our entire lives are spent searching for more and more money, it is never-ending.
We do need a certain amount of material comfort to be able to live and likewise we need a certain level of affection, love and partnership in order to have the conducive circumstances to work on ourselves. The relationship with a partner is never going to be perfect. The amount of money in the bank will never be perfect. The amount of comfort that we have in our home will never be perfect. This is the problem of change. Working to try to make those perfect is just banging our heads against the wall. When we have enough of these things to be able to get on with our spiritual life, we need to get on with our spiritual life! The point is to use the imperfect level that we have to work toward something that we can realistically attain: the ultimate state. We can remove the confusion from our minds, and that means that we can eliminate suffering. That is what it is all about. In this way, we will be happy and we will be able to make others happy. Will we be more able to help others by always trying to get the perfect partner, or by working to get rid of our anger?
Dedication
Let us end with a dedication. May whatever understanding we might have gained go deeper and deeper so that it slowly starts to make an impression on us and adds to our positive potentials so that we gradually start to see things in terms of these four thoughts. May we gradually become more stable in our safe direction in life so that we can eventually attain liberation and enlightenment for the benefit of everyone.

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Transforming Problems
by Venerable Thubten Chodron©

When talking about "Transforming Problems", I think you might prefer I talk more about rejecting problems, rather than transforming them. Our usual attitude is to reject problems, isn't it?
"I don't want problems! You can have them! It's not fair that I have problems. I shouldn't have problems. My life should be happy. The universe is unfair if I have problems. Something's wrong if I have problems. Everything should be perfect."
This is our usual attitude. Our usual attitude is one of rejecting problems, isn't it? "Problems should go away because the universe should treat me better."
Why? "Because I'm me! I'm important! I should be happy! The universe should treat me very well! Nobody should mistreat me. If I mistreat other people, it's because they deserved it. But nobody should mistreat me. Nobody should insult me. If I insult other people, it's because they were really creeps and made a mistake. Nobody should do that to me." My happiness is really important - much more important than anybody else's happiness. The universe should know that. Everybody should appreciate me - don't you think? Don't you think I'm the most important one in the universe?
Isn't this how we think? We're much too polite to admit it in public, but you know what I mean. This is really how we live our lives. So, our whole life we reject problems.
Something is wrong. When we have a problem, it's never our fault, is it? Have you ever started a fight? I mean, when there's a fight, it's always the other person's fault. Very clearly.
When there's a quarrel, it's never my fault; it's always the other person's fault. It's all these other people who are uncooperative, and obnoxious, domineering, bossy, and critical. Not me. "I was going through life minding my own business, completely kind-hearted, loving, compassionate to everybody. Then, all these mean people do all these awful things to me. It's unfair. It's terrible." Right?
I have a friend who teaches conflict management; dispute resolution. He often gives people a worksheet, to record a recent conflict they had, and to assess how they handled the conflict, and how the other person handled the conflict.
He said, "It's remarkable! All the people who were cooperative, kind, and harmonious, they all come to the conflict resolution workshop. But all the people who were disagreeable and quarrelsome - they never come."
According to the form - it's amazing, he said, all the people who come to him were those trying to solve the problems; who never start them. It's just remarkable.
This is kind of how we live our life, isn't it? Problems are never my doing, they're somebody else's doing. And you know - "That's because other people are idiots. They just don't know how to treat me properly."
Then we come to a Buddhist thing, and we hear, "Well, when you have problems; when you have suffering, it's due to your karma." And we go - "My karma?! I'm not doing anything wrong. Look at that guy! He's creating negative karma being mean to me. I didn't do anything wrong. This is unfair. I'm going to complain to the Chief of Karma, because I didn't create any negative karma. I mean, I'm just nice to everybody all the time." Right?
Me? "I never tell anybody off. I'm never judgmental. I'm never critical. I'm never hostile. I never lie to anybody. I never cheat anybody." Why is the world doing this to me?
And in my past lives, I'm sure I never did any of that. Never! "My past life, I was a Rinpoche. I was high. They just don't recognize who I am this lifetime. But I was very special in my previous life. Maybe not a Rinpoche, but I was very high, you know? I never created any bad karma. What are you talking about, 'it's my bad karma' when I have problems. Baloney!"
This is what we think, isn't it? We accept the Dharma when it's convenient for us. When we hear suffering comes from negative karma, we accept that so the person who's harming us gets it in their next lifetime! Then we believe in karma. But when we have a problem - to think it's because of what we did in our previous lifetime? Never! Never! And, certainly not this lifetime.
We're all right, aren't we? We're always right. When there's a conflict, we're always right. So there's no need to talk about 'Transforming Problems', because we're right. There's nothing to transform. "I'm right! You're wrong! You change!" Very easy. That's how we should solve problems.
We kind of go through our whole life with that attitude, don't we? When there's a problem: "I'm right, you're wrong. You should do something different. Me? I shouldn't. I'm just the innocent victim."
This attitude really compounds problems because every time we face some difficulty, first we reject the difficulty, and secondly, we blame it on the other person. Both of these typical behaviors and attitudes really increase problems. Because, when we reject a problem, then we're fighting the reality. The reality is - there's a problem. There's suffering. I have a problem. Something's not going right.
So, I think a lot of our mental suffering comes because we don't accept there is a problem, and we think the universe is being unfair and should be different. Our non-acceptance of the problem gives us more trouble than the problem itself. We get all tangled up in our thoughts about how it's unfair, it shouldn't happen, and blah, blah, blah, blah. Our non-acceptance makes it worse.
Blaming the problem on the other person increases the problem, too. Because, we can never control the other person, can we? The problem is the other person's fault - that means, I have no power. I have nothing to do, because I'm not involved in it at all. If the problem is entirely the other person's fault, then the only way to solve the problem is for the other person to change. But we can't make them change. And we try. We try very hard, don't we? It is very hard to make others change. We give them lots of advice. Especially our family members. So much advice - "You should do this, and you should do that; why don't you do this, and why don't you do that?" We give everybody advice, and they don't appreciate us. They tell us to mind our own business. We're just giving them advice about how they should improve and be happy… and they say, "Get off my case, I don't want to hear your advice!" And we reply, "Oh, but I was just trying to help you."
So this thing when we're always blaming the other person? When we have that attitude we very much give up our power and ability to do anything. We can't control the other person. We can't make them change.
We might be right. There might be a conflict, and we might be very right, and the other person might be wrong. But so what? Sometimes being right doesn't solve the conflict at all, does it? We can be very, very right and even the court system can agree that we're right and the other guy is wrong. But there's still conflict, and there's still unhappiness. Being right doesn't solve the conflict.
And rubbing it in to the other person, that we are right, doesn't solve the conflict either. And it doesn't make the other person change. Frequently, when we're right, we really rub it into the other person, don't we? Then, they feel hurt. They feel misunderstood. They feel rejected. And they become even more entrenched in their position than before. They're certainly not going to go out of their way to help us when we're rubbing it in that we're right and they're wrong.
So, often we have to give up this idea that just because we're right, everything should change, and the other person should do something differently. We might explain to them how their behavior is harmful and they should do things differently, and they have been doing it this way fifty or sixty years - fifty or sixty lifetimes, you know? They are not going to change right away. Sometimes we need to develop a little patience. Being right is not sufficient.
But it's hard, isn't it? When we can see very clearly what somebody's mistake is, and we know exactly how they should improve, and they don't do it, and we still have to live with them? We still have to live with them, don't we? We can't throw them in a garbage can. We try. But they're too big. They don't fit.
This is something hard about life. Especially when it happens in Buddhist centers, or at work, or in families - when there's conflict and we might be right, and we must accept that the other person is not going to change? Sometimes they don't know how to change. They don't know how to do something differently. They have this pattern, and that's the way it is. The only way for us to be happy is to accept them for what they are. What they are may not be what we want them to be. But surely, what we are isn't what they want us to be either. So we're kind of even, aren't we?
It's an interesting thing to play with - to think about conflicts in our own life; problems in our own life - to see how we always want the other person to change, because, "it's their fault." Then, to think, "Is it really realistic? Is that person going to change? Do they know how to change?"
If they're not going to change, then what can we do - spend the next ten years or the rest of our lives hating them? Quarrelling with them? Making everyone else in the family, or the Buddhist center, or on the job, miserable, because we're always arguing, because, "They don't change!"?
Whereas, if there is a way to accept the fact they aren't going to be who I want them to be… kind of an interesting thought, isn't it? Accepting people for what they are? Accepting they may not be what we want them to be?
It's hard, isn't it? Because, we feel, they really should be what we want them to be. They should! "How am I going to be happy if they aren't what I want them to be?" So, we go back and forth in this way. We truly have to work quite deeply with our mind, very hard with our mind, developing a kind of acceptance of people for what they are.
We also need to work very hard with looking at our own role in conflicts, acknowledging our own parts. This can often require accepting what we did in this lifetime to get involved in the conflict, and also considering what we did in previous lives may be involved.
When there is a conflict, there is more than one side, more than one person. How can we say it is always the other person's fault? If I was not there, there would not be a conflict. So, how did I get here? What am I doing? What did I do that bugged the other person so that they're acting like this? Maybe I did nothing. Maybe it's all coming from their side - in which case, then, it's due to my previous life's karma.
But, sometimes, looking in this lifetime we can see we haven't been the most considerate person to other people. They get angry and upset with something we've done, and we feel, well, "Why me? What did I do? I didn't do anything." Yet, if we look a bit closer, maybe we did.
Sometimes we did something without meaning to, and we were just careless, completely unaware. It's not that we're bad people. We're not careful, so we do something disturbing to somebody, and they get angry.
And at other times we do things and we kind of know it's going to bother the other person, don't we? It's the small things… we kind of do it, and try to slip by as if it were just an accident? But we know it's going to bug the other person. And we do this with the people we live with, the people we know very well. Because we know what bugs them, don't we? They know what bugs us; we know what bugs them.
Say, my husband's not paying enough attention to me… so I just do this little thing. It's very innocent. But he gets mad, and I go, "What did I do? You're always so irritable! Why are you behaving like this? You don't love me?"
But if we look closely, we know what we're doing. We know how to push their buttons. And, so sometimes, part of our mind deliberately pushes other people's buttons. Because then they pay attention to us. Finally my husband stops reading the newspaper and looks at me!
Thus, often it's worthwhile to think in a situation, "Did I do something carelessly, or maybe with my own rather manipulative mind wanting to irritate the other person?" In this case I should own up to it, and acknowledge my role in the conflict. Then, seeing how our own energy, in this lifetime, was involved in the conflict, that gives us some ability to actually transform the problem. We see what we could do differently. "If I were more careful, if I didn't deliberately push that person's button, then some of these conflicts wouldn't happen."
Now, especially in families, there are repeated conflicts. Have you ever noticed we fight about the same things all the time in the family? It's like, "Okay, we're going to have Fight Number Five. Put in that video!" Now, we have the five standard fights - we lack creativity. We can't think of something new to fight about. It's the same old thing… 25 years, we're fighting over the same stuff. And it's the same with our parents and our kids, isn't it? Same old spats, again and again, and again. It's real boring, isn't it? Boring. We know precisely what's going to happen - we're going to say this; they're going to say that - you could almost write a script for it. It's true, isn't it? We could write a script: "Okay… you're lying…"
It would be good to trade roles, then... "Okay, Fight Number Five. You play me and I'll play you, and then, let's go do it!" Because, the fight is so old hat. We've done it again and again. "So, let's switch roles this time, okay? You be the one who wants to spend the money, and I'll be the one who wants to save the money. Let's do it differently this time!"
This is why it's so interesting - seeing what our role is in this lifetime, how we get involved; then also, recognizing the karmic effects from our previous lifetime. There are many times we don't deliberately antagonize someone, we really are minding our own business, and someone gets all bent out of shape over something we do, and they really rip into us. And, it's like, "Wooo...what's happening here?"
Often, if we look closely, the other person is acting out of their own pain and unhappiness, and confusion. It doesn't really have so much to do with us.
But we take it personally anyway, don't we? Often, what the other person is doing when really dumping on us - when they're critical, speaking harshly, they're making a stronger statement about themselves than about us. They're actually saying, "I'm unhappy," or, "I'm confused," or, "I'm miserable." But, we don't hear that message. We only hear, "Get off my toes! What are you doing to me?!"
Then, it's often effective to step back and think, "Why is this person doing this? What are they really trying to say? What's motivating them?" And that approach helps us to develop some compassion towards them.
Considering our previous life's karma is involved can be very helpful, too. Especially when somebody criticizes us and we feel, "I really didn't do anything." It's helpful to think, "Well, maybe in previous lives, I criticized somebody."
Look at us! We've all hurt others' feelings. We've all criticized others. We've lied. We've stolen. Ten non-virtuous acts? We've all done them! We know everything about each other. We've all done this - in previous lives especially, we've had lots of time for training in non-virtue. No, not so much training for virtue in previous lives… otherwise, we wouldn't be here. You know? Very good practice in non-virtue. So, of course, this lifetime we have some problems. It's no big surprise. Is it? It's really no big surprise.
I find this way of thinking very, very helpful for situations when I feel I had no intention of starting a conflict, and yet here's this whole horrible thing happening. If I think, obviously, in previous lives I did something, and here it is, and it's ripening, then I accept it.
I accept it. It's ripening. I got myself into this situation. Now, my job is to ensure I don't create more negative karma. Because clearly the problem now is due to a previous life's karma. So, at least let's not create more negative karma, and we can avoid perpetuating the same thing again.
But, what often happens, how do we react when we have a problem? We get angry, don't we? Or, we get very attached. We have a problem, so we cling to something because we feel insecure. Or, we want to strike back at whatever is causing our problem. Yet, when we react to problems with clinging, or anger, what we do is create karmic imprints for problems in future lives. And we continue the cycle.
Personally, I find it helpful to think, "Okay. This is a result of my previous life karma. No sense getting attached. No sense getting angry. Here it is. It's happening, folks. I just have to live through it. I must do as best I can to make the best of this situation."
It's often quite helpful when recognizing the problem as due to karma, to transform that problem, saying, "Okay. This is the challenge." Instead of rejecting the problem, say, "This situation is a challenge for me to grow." Our problems are challenges for us to grow, aren't they? They really are. Often, if we look back over our life, we see the times when we've grown the most are those times we've had lots of problems. Can you look back at times when you've had problems, really painful times in your life, and look at yourself now, seeing how you are as a result of having had that experience?
And sure, it was painful. It was awful. But it's over now. It doesn't exist anymore. We lived through it. And, we actually grew in some ways. Because, in particular, when things are really a challenge, when everything seems to be falling apart around us, then, that's an excellent opportunity to find our own inner resources, and the support of our community, or within our Dharma friends in the broader society.
So, when we have problems, there really is a lot of opportunity for growth. If we take that opportunity. If we avoid retreating into our old patterns, like getting angry, or feeling sorry for ourselves.
We fall so easily into our old patterns of self-pity, or lashing out and dumping on the other person. But when we do, we never grow. We completely ignore the whole opportunity for growth that this problem is presenting. We just do the same old thing again and again. And the curious thing is, the same old thing never makes us happy, does it? We have these old behaviors for handling problems, and they never work. Say there's a conflict, and I'm so mad; and what's my typical behavior? "I'm so mad at you that I'm not going to talk to you! Chao!" I shut down, completely. I will not talk to you. I walk out of the room when you come in. I look away. I go to my room feeling sorry for myself, and angry at you.
And we think this is going to make us happy. So we keep doing it. And, we feel miserable.
So, I believe it's very important for us to identify our old habits, our old patterns, do some serious reflection, while asking, "Do these old patterns and habits make me happy? Do they actually resolve the conflict?"
Or, do we get unhappier because of the way we're handling the conflict? I say, "I'm so mad, so I won't talk to you!" Then, I complain how we're not communicating. Isn't that it? They respond, "Well how can I communicate when you won't talk to me?" And we bark, "Well, you should find a way, because it's all your fault, anyway!"
Consequently, it's extremely helpful to try a new way of looking at a situation, and to try a new kind of behavior.
My friend who teaches conflict management says, sometimes when you feel really stuck in a problem, do exactly what you don't want to do. He says, sometimes you need to break that pattern, break that cycle. Do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing. So, if you're so angry you don't want to talk to the other person, then maybe the challenge is to go and talk to them. Or, if we're so mad that we want to talk and never want to listen, then perhaps the thing to do is be quiet and listen.
Often, it's quite helpful to realize, "Hey, here's my old pattern, this is how I usually handle it. I've tried that before, and it doesn't work. How could I think differently? How could I behave differently?" Then we can develop some creativity with the situation. Play with it. "Well, what would happen if I did this? What would result if I looked at it this way?" So, instead of the situation seeming so solid, so concrete, so terrible, we develop some creativity to handle it in a new way.
Now, someone might say, "But some situations are so awful, how can we see them in a new way?" Or, "Someone in my family is dying, and you talk about an opportunity to see problems in a new way? What do you mean? There's only one possible way for me to behave, and that is to go crazy! I have to go crazy with grief because this person I love is dying… there is no alternative!"
This is how we think at times. We get all wrapped up in our grief, totally bogged down and tied up. But, when we think there is but one way to handle it, we miss out on everything the situation has to offer. If it's true someone we love is dying, it may be we can do nothing to prevent it. That is the reality. But, they have not died yet. And maybe during the time we still have, we can really communicate. Maybe we can say a lot of the things we have failed to say to each other before. Perhaps we can share something very deep and meaningful. As long as there is life, there is still a lot of potential and richness in how you can relate, and what you can share with another.
Thus, it is significant to stop and question ourselves, to see the potential in situations, and get away from locking ourselves into the belief that there is but one way to feel, one way to act. There is always a choice. The thing is, you know, do we take this choice?
Think about how to apply these approaches to problems in your own life. Because if you do this, then the Dharma will become really tasty, very meaningful. But if you simply listen to the Dharma and think of it abstractly… "Oh, she's talking about problems 'out there'; other people's problems," then, you never taste it. We must look at the Dharma in terms of our own life; bringing it to bear on our own actions.
There are situations where we have a problem, and, perhaps, we blame ourselves. We are very good at that, too, aren't we? We can really get into that one…"It's all my fault. Something is wrong with me. I'm terrible. I'm this awful person! Look at me! Oh, nobody can love me. I'm horrible. I did it again!"
It's called the "Beat-myself-up" syndrome. And we do it very, very well. Very well. But this is that same faulty way of thinking, that when there's a problem it comes only from one cause. It's like blaming the other person, but in this case the 'other person' is yourself. It's the same narrow way of thinking. Except, it's fascinating, in that it's really a way of making ourselves extremely important. "The whole thing collapsed because of me. I'm such an idiot; I'm so incompetent, I make the entire project a disaster." Or, "The whole family is in turmoil, all because of me."
We're very important, then, aren't we? Extremely important. So it's very curious how, when we get into this performance of blaming ourselves, and feeling guilty, and self-hatred. It's actually a rather contorted way our self-cherishing mind has of making us extremely important.
It's so strange. I find we often fail to do things that are our responsibility, thinking they are someone else's responsibility. And things that are not our responsibility, we accept responsibility for, and blame ourselves. It's very, very interesting. Very curious. And, I think, parents do this a lot.
When your child has a problem, you think, "It's my fault. I should protect my child from every single problem in this universe. " Parents love their children. Their children are helpless. So, it's, "I should protect my child from every problem." The kid is 25 years old, and he stubs his toe - "It's my fault!" Or, my boy's 35 and fighting with his colleague - "It's my fault." We blame ourselves for all sorts of things that are not our fault at all. They're someone else's responsibility.
This is quite thought-provoking. I think we need to go back and do a lot of meditation on this, reflecting on what it means to be responsible, and what things are our responsibility, and what are not? And, when things are my responsibility, am I the only person playing a role in this, or does it have something to do with another person? This concept of blaming ourselves is very lop-sided. We are not the only one making this whole world go wrong. There are other factors in the situation.
Now sometimes, it's true, people have had a negative experience in the past, and we do something similar to what occurred to them before. So they get really, really defensive. We can't understand why. So it's often wise just to cool down, and recognize you need not take this so personally. This person isn't really attacking you. They are attacking the past experience. That isn't your responsibility. You are only responsible for what you said, or did, to trigger the problem. If their reaction is way out of proportion, if they are unhappy and something else is going on with them, then maybe you need to ask some questions. Give them a chance to express themselves. Help them discover what's really at the root of the situation, and what is really bugging them.
I have had that happen to me. Once I did something, not intending to start a conflict, and this other person was so angry they told me off for, like, 45 minutes over the phone. I mean, I'm glad they were paying for it. No… it's a local call. Maybe that's why it lasted so long? If it was long distance, maybe they wouldn't have talked that long?
Anyway, they totally dumped on me. It was incredible, and over this small thing. But, seeing this person's reaction was well out of proportion to what was going on, I just kind of sat there, listening. I didn't need to take it personally. Something was going on with this person and they really needed to unload. And now, when I see this person, everything is fine. There was no residual hangover from that conflict.
Perhaps we might see somebody doing something negative, say, catching fish, or something like that. How can we convince them? Well, frequently we aren't in a position to convince them. Sometimes it's better to say nothing. As long as sentient beings have a garbage mind, they are going to kill. I mean, when you get angry, is it the lama's fault he can't control your mind?
When you get angry, if someone comes along and says, "Jangchub, don't get angry," do you say, "Oh yes, I'll listen to you. You're right."? No. You say, "No, I'm angry for a reason! You be quiet!" Look at us. Other people offer us advice. We don't listen, do we? Not very carefully.
But sometimes when somebody's doing something negative, we can want to intervene out of compassion. And sometimes we want to intervene out of a sense of being self-righteous. These are two very different motivations. We really must distinguish between the two. It's very easy, when we're self-righteous, to think we're being compassionate. But we aren't compassionate, we're all puffed up with ourselves. Then it's, "I know good ethics. I know good karma. You're doing it wrong! You should listen to me because I'm morally superior. I know more about Dharma. You should listen to me and follow my example!"
We don't actually say it like that, because we would look bad. But that is what we're thinking. We're being very proud and self-righteous. We're not helping anyone. We're just acting out of our own garbage mind.
That's very different than seeing somebody doing something negative, and having true compassion for them, as well as for whoever they're harming - two completely different motivations, even though the action may seem the same.
We must look beyond the action and at the motivation.
In the place I live in the States, there is a lake nearby. I sometimes walk around, and I'll see people fishing. When I see them pull up a fish, it's very painful for me. I want to go to that person and say, "Please, put the fish back and don't do this." But, I know that's not a skilful way to handle the situation. They're not going to listen. They're more likely to get angry and probably think negatively of me and about Buddhism. And they're still going to kill the fish.
I'm not the right person in that situation to help them, and it's not a situation where I can really help.
I can do nothing directly, so in my heart I make prayers. When I see the fishermen out there, I pray they don't catch any fish. I do! I don't tell them I'm praying this. And, when they do catch a fish, I do the taking and giving meditation. I really pray, "Can this person in some future time meet the Dharma and begin to see the error in what they are doing, and correct it."
But, you see, it's significant, when we see people doing negative things, occasionally we are the right person and it's the right situation, and we can intervene. And sometimes we should not.
It's also important to remember to check our own behavior; look at our own mind, checking our motivation, ensuring we are acting out of a true heart of kindness.
Now let's consider someone who's blaming themselves for having done something wrong. Again, what we can do depends on the situation and our relationship with that person. Sometimes the best we can do is to listen to them. Let them talk. Help them by asking questions. Help them realize all the responsibility does not fall on their shoulders.
Sometimes that's not the best way to handle it. Sometimes if the person feels very bad for having done something, then it's helpful to encourage them to do some purification practice. Then, either teach them some purification practice or introduce them to a teacher who can. So, it depends much on the situation.
Question & Answer Session
Q: Can the masters take away the bad karma of their disciples?
If they could, they would have already. Isn't it true? The Buddha is so compassionate, if the Buddha could have taken away all of our bad karma, the Buddha would have done it already. Our teachers are very compassionate. If they could take away our bad karma, they would have done it.
The way our teachers intercede and help us is by teaching us the Dharma. They can't take away our bad karma, like washing the dirt off our hands. They can't do that. But they can teach us how to wash the dirt off our own hands. Our teachers help us to take away our negative karma by teaching us the Dharma. Then, by practicing the Dharma, we are able to purify our own mind. No one else can purify our mind for us. We must do that for ourselves. Nobody can generate realizations on the path for us. We have to do that for ourselves. But our teachers can help us, and that is why we need teachers.
Q: How do we apply the notion of emptiness to transforming problems?
It is very interesting, this potential of applying emptiness to a problem. There are many ways to do this.
Often when we think, "I have a problem," we think, "Oh, everything is so heavy! The whole notion of my problem is heavy. My problem is very concrete. It's very real. It's so real I can almost touch it. I mean, "This is my problem! It's there!"
It's very helpful at that point, to ask ourselves, "What is this problem? Where is this problem?" Because our idea is, "I have this problem," as if it's this real thing, almost physical. So where is it? Is the problem inside me? Is the problem inside you? Is it in the space between us? Is the problem the sound waves that are going back and forth between us? Is the problem my ideas? Your ideas? Where are my ideas? Where are your ideas? Where is the problem, really?
It's very interesting when we start analyzing and ask, "What really is a problem; where is this problem?" All of a sudden this problem that seemed so real, so concrete, somehow disintegrates a little. We can't find it. It doesn't seem so concrete anymore, because we can't find where it is. So, that is one way of applying the idea of emptiness to transforming problems.
And when we have a problem, we also have a strong sense of "I", don't we? "I hurt. I have a problem." When we have a problem, the "I", the sense of self is extremely strong. "This is my problem!"
The self is very real. Anything happening to the self is much more important than what happens to others. So there's a very strong sense of a self that is suffering at this point. Then, it's a very interesting experiment, too, to hold onto that strong sense of self that is being treated so unjustly, and that is suffering, and with another part of the mind, ask ourselves, "Who's suffering? Who's the one who has the problem?"
The self with the problem seemed really solid. So if there were really a solid self with a problem, we should be able to find that person. "Who is it? Who has the problem? Who is in pain? Is it my body? Is it my mind? Which thought? Which part of my body? Which part of my mind?" And again, this seemingly very solid self with a problem, can't be found. The idea of this tangible self starts to evaporate. This is another way to apply the meditation on emptiness.
Q: When we have a problem, it has been said we can pray to our Guru and receive some blessings. Where do these blessings come from?
So…I have a problem, and I pray, "Lama, help me!", then my lama comes with a magic wand, waves it, and "Boing!" Then it's, "Ah…bliss!" Is that what happens?
When I pray, "Lama, help me!", and I don't get bliss afterwards, does that mean something's wrong with my lama? He's off duty?
No. When they say "receiving the blessing" or "receiving the inspiration", what this means is that our mind is transformed. It's not some real, solid, concrete thing coming from the lama and going "boing" and we got it, okay? What is very often happening, I think, is very different, and it depends on how we pray to the Buddha, or to our lamas.
We might pray, "Buddha, please make this problem go away." And, that is not the right way to pray. We should pray, "Buddha, please help me to find my inner strength and resources to deal with this problem, and transform it into the path to enlightenment."
Now, when we transform a problem, it ceases to be a problem. And we transform it by changing our attitude. So depending on how we pray, and depending on our attitude when our mind is transformed, that is called receiving the blessings. Sometimes maybe, some energy from the lama is happening at that time. But often, because we've previously heard teachings, when we pray, "Please help me find my internal strengths and resources…," this opens our mind to recalling what our lama has taught. And when we remember, we begin applying them, and our mind gets transformed. But sometimes, unless we pray properly, we don't remember the teachings, so we don't use them.
You might need to observe your own mind, and what occurs when you pray, and as a result of it - and how that helps your mind. Think about what receiving the blessing means from your own experience.
But receiving the blessing is not something the lama does - it's not like, "Oh here, have a blessing." Because sometimes our minds are very fertile and are easily transformed. And sometimes our minds are like a rock. At times we could sit in front of Shakyamuni Buddha himself, and if our mind is like a rock, nothing is going in. We're going to be cynical, bitter, and sarcastic, even sitting in front of Shakyamuni Buddha.
That isn't the Buddha's fault. Our not receiving the inspiration isn't the Buddha's problem. It's because our mind is so obscured by negative karma, there is no space. So we need to do some purification. Purification is very important.

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What is the role of prayer? Can prayers be answered?

There are many kinds of prayers. Some are designed to direct our minds toward a certain spiritual quality or aim, inspiring our mind to work to develop it and thus creating the cause for us to attain this. An example is praying to be more
tolerant and compassionate toward others. Other prayers are for specific people or situations, for example praying for a person's illness to be cured or for that person's mind to be peaceful and his life meaningful in spite of the illness.
For any prayer to be fulfilled, prayer alone isn't sufficient. The appropriate causes must also be created. We can't simply think, "Please, Buddha, make this and that happen. I'll relax and have tea while you do the work!" For example, if we pray to be more loving and compassionate and yet make no effort to control our anger, we aren't creating the cause for that prayer to be fulfilled. The transformation of our minds comes from our own effort, but we can pray for the Buddhas' inspiration to do so.
Receiving the blessings of the Buddhas doesn't mean that something tangible comes from the Buddha and goes into us. It means that our minds are transformed through the combined effort of the teachings, the guidance of the
Buddhas and bodhisattvas, and our own practice. "Requesting the Buddhas'blessings" has the connotation of requesting to be inspired by them so that our minds and actions are transformed and become more beneficial.
Some Buddhist practitioners seek to be born in a pure land in their next life because all the conditions there are conducive for Dharma practice and developing wisdom and compassion are comparatively easy. But we cannot pray to be born in a pure land and expect the Buddhas and bodhisattvas to
make it happen! We must also make effort to actualize the teachings by not selfishly clinging to worldly pleasures and by generating compassion and an understanding of emptiness. If we do our part, then praying will have a profound effect on our minds. On the other hand, if we make no attempt to
correct our harmful habits and if our minds are distracted while we pray, the effect is minimal.
Some people pray for another's sickness to be cured, for the family finances to improve, or for a deceased relative to have a good rebirth. For these things to occur, the other people involved must have created the necessary causes. If they have, our prayers provide the condition for the seed of constructive actions they did in the past to ripen into that result. However, if they haven't created the causal seeds through their own positive past actions, it's difficult for
our prayers to be fulfilled. We can put fertilizer and water on the ground, but if the farmer hasn't planted the seed, nothing will grow.
When the Buddha described the working of cause and effect in our mindstreams, he said that killing causes us to have short lives or much illness. Abandoning killing and saving the lives of others causes us to have a long life, free from illness. If we neglect to follow this basic advice and yet pray for a long
and healthy life, we have missed the point! On the other hand, if we abandon killing and save lives, prayers can help those positive seeds to ripen.
In addition, the Buddha said generosity is the cause of wealth. If we have been generous in a past life and now pray for our wealth to increase, our finances could improve. Yet, if we are miserly now, we are creating the cause for poverty,
not wealth, in the future. In this case, no matter how much we pray to be financially comfortable, our actions are creating the cause for the opposite result. Instead we need to cultivate generosity helping those in need and sharing what we have.

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The Wheel of Sharp Weapons:
A Mahayana Cleansing of Attitudes

(Theg-pa chen-po'i blo-sbyong mtshon-cha 'khor-lo) by Dharmarakshita
translated by Alexander Berzin and Sharpa Tulku,
together with Jonathan Landaw and Khamlung Tulku,
based on an oral explanation by Geshe Ngawang Dhargyey, 1973

Reprint edition, with commentary by Geshe Ngawang Dhargyey, published as:
Dharmarakshita. The Wheel of Sharp Weapons. Dharamsala, India: Library of Tibetan Works & Archives, 1981.


The name of this work is The Wheel of Sharp Weapons Effectively Striking the Heart of the Foe.
I pay heartfelt homage to you, Yamantaka;
Your wrath is opposed to the Great Lord of Death.[1]

(1) In jungles of poisonous plants strut the peacocks,
Though medicine gardens of beauty lie near.
The masses of peacocks don't find gardens pleasant,
But thrive on the essence of poisonous plants.

(2) In similar fashion, [2] the brave bodhisattvas
Remain in the jungle of worldly concern.
No matter how joyful this world's pleasure gardens,
These brave ones are never attracted to pleasures,
But thrive in the jungle of suffering and pain.
(3) We spend our whole lives in the search for enjoyment,
Yet tremble with fear at the mere thought of pain;
Thus since we are cowards, we are miserable still.
But the brave bodhisattvas accept suffering gladly
And gain from their courage a true lasting joy.
(4) Now, [3] desire is the jungle of poisonous plants here.[4]
Only brave ones, like peacocks, can thrive on such fare.
If cowardly beings, like crows, were to try it,
Because they are greedy, they might lose their lives.[5]
(5) How can someone who cherishes self more than others
Take lust and such dangerous poisons for food?
If he tried like a crow to use other delusions, [6]
He would probably forfeit his chance for release.
(6) And thus bodhisattvas are likened to peacocks:
They live on delusions - those poisonous plants.
Transforming them into the essence of practice,
They thrive in the jungle of everyday life.
Whatever is presented, they always accept,
While destroying the poison of clinging desire.
(7) Uncontrollable wandering through rounds of existence
Is caused by our grasping at egos as real.
This ignorant attitude heralds the demon
Of selfish concern for our welfare alone:
We seek some security for our own egos;
We want only pleasure and shun any pain.
But now, we must banish all selfish compulsion
And gladly take hardship for all others' sake.
(8) All of our sufferings derive from our habits
Of selfish delusions we heed and act out.
As all of us share in this tragic misfortune,
Which stems from our narrow and self-centered ways,
We must take all our sufferings and the miseries of others
And smother our wishes of selfish concern.
(9) Should the impulse arise now to seek our own pleasure,
We must turn it aside to please others instead;
For even if loved ones should rise up against us,
We must blame our self-interest and feel it's our due.
(10) When our bodies are aching and racked with great torment
Of dreadful diseases we cannot endure,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have injured the bodies of others;
Hereafter let's take on what sickness is theirs.
(11) Depressed and forlorn, when we feel mental anguish,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have deeply disturbed minds of others;
Hereafter let's take on this suffering ourselves.
(12) When hunger or violent thirst overwhelms us,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have kept what we had without sharing;
We have plundered and stolen and lured people on.
Hereafter let's take from them hunger and thirst.
(13) When we lack any freedom, but must obey others,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have looked down on those who were lowly
And used them as servants for our own selfish needs;
Hereafter let's offer our service to others
With humble devotion of body and life.
(14) When we hear only language that is foul and abusive,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have said many things without thinking;
We have slandered and caused many friendships to end.
Hereafter let's censure all thoughtless remarks.
(15) When we are born in oppressive and wretched conditions,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have always had negative outlooks;
We have criticized others, seeing only their flaws.
Hereafter let's cultivate positive feelings
And view our surroundings as stainless and pure.
(16) When we are parted from friends and from those who can help us,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have taken the friends and good servants
Of others away, wanting them for ourselves;
Hereafter let's never cause close friends to part.
(17) When supreme holy gurus find us displeasing,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we have turned from the gurus and teachings,
Preferring the counsel of misleading friends;
Hereafter let's end our dependent relations
With those who would turn us away from the path.
(18) When unjustly we are blamed for the misdeeds of others,
And are falsely accused of flaws that we lack,
And are always the object of verbal abuse,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we've despised and belittled our gurus;
Hereafter let's never accuse others falsely,
But give them full credit for virtues they have.
(19) When the things we require for daily consumption
And use, fall apart or are wasted or spoilt,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs we have done.
Till now we've been careless with others' possessions;
Hereafter let's give them whatever they need.
(20) When our minds are unclear and our hearts are unhappy,
We are bored doing virtue but excited by vice,
This is the wheel of sharp weapons returning
Full circle upon us from wrongs w